Thirteen

7

You Broke My Heart by Current Joys

I never want this hug to end.
Her warm hands feel so comforting in comparison to mine. I don't think I've ever had a genuine hug like this. When we break away, it's torture. Goosebumps decide to suddenly make itself present, causing the tiny hairs on my arms to stand up.
She twirls the ends of my hair in her stained fingers as she says, "You'll be all right. Trust me." Her words are so smooth and clear, almost making me believe them for a second.
"Smell you later, Ginge." And with that, she turns and leaves me standing at the doorway. I watch her disappear down the corridor. She's gone too quickly.

I collect my thoughts and pull myself together. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll be all right.
I turn around and start to walk down to the end of the hallway, when I realise Vlad's door to his office is slightly open. He's the last person I want to talk to right now. Or ever.
I hold my breath and try to silently walk past the door, paranoid my loud heartbeat will give me away. I'm suddenly reminded of all the times when I've had to creep past my mother. She would often be passed out on the sofa, still holding a bottle of beer as she sleeps. If I woke her up, she'd shout at me. So naturally, I've learned to hate confrontation.
I breathe out when I think I'm in the clear.

"Leibling? Could you come in please?"
Shit.
I thought I was quiet enough.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before trying to get the blood off my white outfit. My attempt does absolutely nothing and only smudges the stains further. I drag my feet towards the door and pull it open a little further, standing in the doorway.

Vlad is leaning back in his chair, already watching me enter.
He looks me up and down, observing my every move, like trying to figure out just how broken and traumatised I am. I probably look a state.

"I am aware that you were there when one of the other children was.... executed. I'm sorry you had to witness that." His voice is oddly sympathetic, which catches me off guard. For a man who has possibly killed people himself, it makes my skin crawl.
"It was a necessary precaution. We cannot allow anyone outside of our operation to know of our existence. Vox has a reputation to maintain within the system, and an escapee would make Vox seem sloppy."

My vision goes blurry with tears building up. I don't dare to blink otherwise it will make the tears fall. I can't get rid of the lump in my throat. I'm on the fucking edge.

"But you have to understand that you, yourself, are not in danger. As long as you don't try anything, you'll be fine. You're a smart girl. Don't make dumb decisions. Verstehst du?"
I frown slightly, dumbfounded by how he expects me to understand German.
"I said do you understand?" His tone suddenly loses the kindness in it.
His little speech has done nothing to reassure me. My airways tightens and it feels like something is closing around my throat.
"Yes." I barely manage to say. It comes out all wobbly and shaky.
"Good. Go take a shower, I'm sure you'll feel better." He turns his attention back to his computer. He makes my blood fucking boil. I cannot stand the sight of him any longer. When I turn to leave, he gets my attention again.
"Leibling? Please eat something."
He throws a packet of crisps at me. I catch it quickly, and roll my eyes.

As I leave the room, I turn the packet over and over, checking for signs that it's been tampered with or whether it's been resealed. But it's looks fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'll be okay...

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ

I turn on the shower. The hot water slaps me in the face as I lean against the cold tiles. But I'm suddenly met with excruciating pain as I forget about the wound on my ankle. The stinging gets worse as the water soaks through the bandage. I rip the bandage off and throw it to the side. My ankle is still red and inflamed, a huge scar in the shape of a lightning bolt making it's way up my ankle. The pain starting to dull as it gets used to the heat. The water starts to turn red as I stand there, brunette boy's remains washing away.
I don't even know his name.
I don't know why I didn't ask.
I'm such a shitty person.

I try to focus on the sound of each droplet hitting the floor, the noise providing a small escape from the weight of the past couple of days. I scrub my face with my hands as though trying to erase all the memories of today, yesterday and my whole fucking life. I just want to evaporate like the steam coming off my body. My tears mix with the water, mixing with my thoughts, mixing with my emotions until I become a massive blend of nothing. Emptiness takes over my body, leaving just an outer shell.
Eventually, I sink to the floor, too tired to stand.
I let the heat boil me alive.

After what seems like hours, I turn off the water and stand there, sopping wet. I take a deep breath and turn on the cold water for ten, painful seconds.
It does the trick. Clears my head. Cools my heart.

A/N
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