branch angst

it's just a scratch

branch's pov:

it's been nearly 8 hours since bruce left. i've been feeling worse and worse as time goes by. i've been sat in my room, staring at the scar i made on my shoulder. i've been tempted to do it again but i've been able to stop myself for now. if i leave my room then i'll definitely hurt myself again. but i have to leave my room eventually.. i sigh out loud. i don't know what's come over me. i feel so different, and so.. sad. but i don't understand why. yeah, bruce left. but that shouldn't have me feeling like this.

deep down i know the truth. i'm still that little baby from all those years ago. the baby i try so hard to not be. at least i think that's what it is. but until i find a better explanation i'll just have to use this one. anyways, enough feeling sorry for myself. i need to go eat. so, that's  exactly what i do. i lift myself out of bed and creak the door open, making sure nobody is fighting before heading to the kitchen. i search around, but nothing seems appetizing. i know i'm hungry but all this food just seems gross. i'll just have to come back later.

after closing the cabinets i head back to my room. but before i can get there, i bump into floyd.

he smiles at me, about to start a conversation, when he spots the scar on my shoulder. he points to it. "what happened there branch?"

my eyes widen, but i play it off cool. "oh that? it's just a scratch. i fell down, but i'm alright."

"just be careful branch. i don't like seeing you hurt." he says before walking off.

i let out a loud relieved sigh. floyd isn't the brightest troll. thank god for that! i continue heading to my room but stop short when i reach the bathroom. i take a peek inside, the razor was sitting there like a chest full of gold at the end of a rainbow. i know this is bad, but what other option do i have? i should be lucky i'm not relapsing on tiny diamond's candy. this is a much safer option.

i walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. i immediately grab the razor and position it higher up on my legs. i hesitate for a moment, but in the end, i cut my self. this cut was deeper than last time. the blood ran all the way down my leg, so i swiftly moved to go grab the toilet paper, soaking it in my blood. i winced in pain, but i'm going to be honest. it felt good. so.. i did it again. and again. and again. all the way down my leg. by the final cut i was screaming in pain, which caught clay's attention.

"bitty b! you in there?"

"yeah, yeah i'm fine. just fell down."

"do i need to come in there?"

"NO!.. no, i'm fine."

"okay.."

i stood still until i heard the sound of his footsteps walking away from the door. oh god, i never thought of the mess this would make. blood was all over the floor, already beginning to dry up. my leg hurt like hell and had scars all over. what would be my excuse this time? i wear shorts so much, would anyone notice if i started wearing pants?

i quickly got to work on drying up the blood. i used water from the sink to get the stains out. by the end of my deep cleaning, the bathroom looked brand new!.. i couldn't say the same for my leg. i'd just have to wear pants. i don't want any trolls asking me questions about it, and i definitely don't want floyd to find out what i'd done. so, i scurried over to my bedroom and locked the door. i searched for a while before finding any long legged pants because i usually wore shorts. it was black and baggy and scrunched up at my ankles. that would have to do.

i sat on my bed for a while before hearing commotion in the living room. it wasn't fighting, either. it was floyd, clay, and john dory laughing and talking. it put a smile on my face to hear them get along. but they never keep the peace for long. might as well enjoy the moment while it lasts. so i got out of bed and joined them in the living room.

john dory was the first to speak. "well look who it is! bitty b's finally out of his room!"

"come join us!" floyd said motioning to the monopoly board they were playing on.

i ignored the bitty b comment and sat down to join them.

3 hours later

"but your in jail! you can't have my money!!" clay yelled at john dory, standing up.

"that's not how monopoly works!" john dory huffed back as he stood up too.

"guys, not right now.." floyd started before getting cut off.

"you're being greedy john dory! just like you were on the night of the concert!" clay said accusingly as he inched closer to john dory.

wow. me and floyd both gasped, astonished at how clay brought back the past to win an argument. a specific moment in the past, that wasn't too pleasing to remember.

floyd looked at me worriedly. "you should go to your room branch. you don't need to hear this."

"i'm and adult! i can hear what i want." i shot back annoyed as j.d and clay continued fighting.

"please branch? i'm only looking out for you."

now it was my turn to stand up. "i'm tired of being treated like i'm still a baby! i'm and adult like all of you, and i want to be treated like one!" i yelled out before storming to my room and slamming it shut.

the living room was totally silent. i didn't care that i had caused a scene. i rushed over to the corner of my room. you know what i did? i cried. what did i tell you? i knew i was still a baby. i'm so sensitive. if i really wanted to be an adult i would act like one. tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. i was ugly crying, too. which is why i felt totally embarrassed when i heard a knock on the door.

"can i come in?"

it was floyd.

i sniffled and wiped my tears away. "y-yeah."

floyd opened the door slowly and searched the room before he found me sitting in the corner. he sat down next to me and put his hand on my back.

"i'm sorry branch. i know your an adult, i was trying to keep you safe. y'know?"

i didn't like his apology. but i wasn't going to start a whole new scene. especially not with floyd.

"if you know i'm an adult then treat me like one." i felt a little harsh so i added: "sorry."

"i promise i'll try to branch. no need to be sorry." floyd said as he reached out for a hug.

i hugged him back, getting this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest.

"you okay if i leave you alone? i need to go check on john dory. that comment clay made was brutal." floyd laughed a bit.

i don't see how he could laugh right now. but i nodded my head and watched as he left the room.

i just lied to floyd. i wasn't okay. not at all. and there was only one solution.

that's the end for this chapter!! or whatever you call it. anyways, feedback is really appreciated! and remember, self harm does NOT feel good, i just had to make it appealing so that branch would continue i guess. so don't self harm please!!!! 😭😭