branch angst

caught

i rushed over to the bathroom immediately and slammed the door shut. i locked it just in case before turning back to the razor.

sigh

the razor.

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you can guess where this is going. i cut myself again. i yelled. loudly. and cried. loudly. which attracted not only floyd's attention, but john dory and clay's attention too.

"bitty b?" john dory said knocking on the door.

"i'm fine!" i screamed back as i rushed over to the toilet paper to try and clean up but ended up falling.

floyd started shaking on the handle. "you don't sound okay branch. let us in."

"i said i'm fine!"

"if you don't unlock this door right now we'll unlock it for you." clay said while jingling the keys.

then i started to get worried. i couldn't let them see me like this!.. what would they say? even worse, what if they told poppy!?

after a moment of silence clay unlocked the door and swung it open. this was followed by gasps and screams as my three brothers saw me and my bloody arm.

"oops."

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"is that all you're gonna say?? oops? branch.. i-" floyd managed to choke out before stopping himself as tears streamed down his face.

i felt really bad. like really, really bad. i didn't need floyd seeing me like this. i didn't need anybody seeing me like this. i could only describe it to you as embarrassing. truly embarrassing. i wanted someone to speak up but nobody did.

"floyd wait! i'm sorry.."

that's all i could say before floyd went running up the hall and to his room slamming the door shut. loud sobbing was the only thing you could hear.

my two other brothers looked at me. they were still shocked and unsure of what to say.

"we need to talk about this, branch." john dory started, feeling himself get caught in a whirlpool of emotions.

"but not now. i can't.." is all he said before walking away to his own room.

i looked at clay, hoping he'd have something a little comforting to say. but all he did was shake his head before heading to his room too.

wow.

i needed my brothers right now, but they weren't here. just like all those years ago. my brothers aren't here for me when i need them most. having a relationship with them is absolutely hopeless. actually, that's how i felt right now. that's how i've felt for the past couple of days. hopeless. and i'm still unsure why.

instead of heading to my room, or cleaning up, or anything useful, i slumped down in the door way and bawled my eyes out. this time floyd wasn't there to comfort me. nobody was. i felt alone again, like i did all those years ago.

and it wasn't their fault. i didn't blame it on them. i blamed it on myself. maybe we'd all be happy, playing a board game together right now if it weren't for my self harm. and all those years ago.. maybe if i'd danced better. or if i'd tried to keep the family together then maybe we would have never been separated in the first place. see? all problems lead back to me. or at least that's what i keep telling myself.

instead of disposing of the razor or walking out the bathroom to someplace i knew i wouldn't get tempted, i stayed. i stayed and continued to cut myself. i gave myself a cut for everything i had done wrong in my life. which was a whole lot of cuts.

letting grandma die?
cut.

letting my brother walk out on each other?
cut.

cutting myself?
cut.

the list goes on. by the time i finally started running out of ideas (which was a very long time) floyd came back. his eyes were red and puffy due to all the crying he did. i didn't hear him stop once until he came to talk to me. he stood at the door for a bit silently as he scanned my body and all the fresh cuts i'd made. i placed the razor to the side. floyd laughed.

"that's my razor y'know." he continued to giggle as he picked it up and threw it into the trash

"i'm sorry floyd.." i began before he placed a finger on his mouth and came to sit down with me.

"no branch i'm sorry. sorry for not realizing sooner.." he began to tear up a bit.

i leaned in closer to him for a hug. "this isn't your fault floyd. it's mine."

he hugged me back. "how long has this been going on for?"

"only a few days."

"do your promise to stop?"

"i promise."

he hugged me tighter and ruffled my hair. "that's the bitty b i know." he smiled weakly before exiting the bathroom, leaving me alone again. he probably didn't want to look at the state i was in for much longer. i know i wouldn't.

i just made a promise i couldn't keep. i'm sorry floyd.

6 hours later.

it was nighttime and everyone had fallen asleep. the whole rest of the day no-one else came to talk to me. honestly, i'm kinda grateful for that. i didn't need another awkward conversation.

once i was 100% sure everyone else was asleep i snuck out of my room, heading for the elevator. i pulled the lever and winced as the elevator made a loud noise going up. i popped open the latch and took a big whiff of fresh air. it felt good to be out. then i remembered what i was out for, and my ears drooped a bit. i knew a way to keep my promise temporarily, but i wasn't sure if it was much better.

i guess as long as i hadn't broken floyd's promise i'll be alright. so, i headed closer to troll village, sneaking behind an alley way, knowing exactly where to go. i'd been here before.

i continued walking around stealthily before bumping into the person i was looking for: tiny diamond.

"yo branchy. the usual?" he asked while pulling out a bag of blue ring pops.

thats the end for this chapter!! like i said last time, leave me some feedback and star this chapter if you like it!!! (btw if you haven't seen the movie, the blue ring pops are a sort of drug for trolls. at least that's what i think it is)