Spy x family (reader insert)

A harsh slap of reality

Yor feels like her face is on fire as she watches Loid lean close to her.

A kiss?! A kiss?! Doesn't that mean...um... Oh, yes. I've read somewhere that your first kiss tastes like lemons. That'll go perfectly with marinated fish. Calm down, Yor! Get a hold of yourself!

"Here  I go." Loid calmly sats, his eyes sharp, ready to finish the request. His eyelids fall shut and he leans in without hesitance. But his eyes open to surprise when Yor turns away with a flustered face and tone leaving her mouth. "O-o-o-one second, please!"

With quick precision, she takes the bottle of wine, rips off the cork, and gulps down a large amount straight from the bottle. She slams the bottle onto the table, determination.

There's no way I can do this sober.

With a hiccup, Yor speedily succumbs to the alcohol, rubbing her lips with her wrist. "Fank you for waiting..." Making Loid sweatdrop at the sight. "Uh...right." Loid leans over and whispers to his wife. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Yor snaps her head up, her words becoming slurred. "This ish for my sake, as well, I will do my best."

"What are you two whispering about?! Can you do it or not?!" Yuri demands, pointing accusingly at the two with y/n trying to talk to him. "Please, Uncle, Anya is asleep." Yuri looks at Y/n with a dazed stare as he talks to her softly. "Hang on, kid." He looks back at the couple. "Proved to me that you're really a married couple." Something comes flying and Yuri shaves y/n away while leaning the other way, seeing a silver fork sticking to the wall where it grazed Yuri's cheek.

"Shut your mouth, Yuri!" Yor demands. "We will now show you just how in wuv we are. Y/n, close your eyes." With that, her attention is back on Loid, shoving him to make him lay on his back while she crawls over to him. "Here I come, darling."

Excuse me while I panic at how hot that is.

Yuri held out a hand, surprised at what was going on while y/n internally squealed behind her hands at what was going on. "S-sis!" 

Yor ignores her brother moves her hair out of the way and leans close to Loid, who is shocked by this. "Um...Yor?" He closes his eyes and awaits the kiss with Yuri watching with shock.

How lewd!

He recalls coming home from school with graded papers in hand and walking to his sister. "Sis! Look! I scored the highest in my whole class!" Yor smiles brightly! "Oh! How wonderful!  I'm so proud." She leans down and pecks the child's cheek, making him flustered. "Sis...when I grow up...I'm gonna marry you. Yor smiles at how cute her brother is being and plays along, not thinking he's serious. "Oh, my. Then I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for you."

The memory fades away as Yor's and Loid's lips nearly touch, making him snap out of it and shout, "You can't, sis!"

Seeing you kiss another man in front of me is just... I won't allow-

Loid opens his eyes in time to see Yuri running to them and to see Yor becoming dizzy with embarrassment, ready to attack with a slap. Loid quickly leans his head in time to miss the hit as Yor his brother in the cheek, sending him to hit the teenager, still covering her face to miss her uncle and crashing her into the wall.

The apartment shakes, making a sleeping Anya sit up with a start, looking around confused before falling back asleep, not bothering to get up. "Izzit the end of the world?"

Loid stands up with worry as he realizes what's happened. "Ah! Y/n!" Yor snaps out of her embarrassment to look. "Yuri and y/n?!" 

Rose petals are falling everywhere as Yuri shakes off the pain of cuts he has as he fusses over the girl who's dripping with blood and water from the vase of roses. "A-are you okay?! I'm so sorry!"