found in notes app

who knows? i dont.

With the birds chirping echo covering the sounds,
And the sun blinding the poorly oblivious bystanders,
With the colorful blur of the Staind glass on the front doors,
It was everything around her that was hiding her,
Concealing her,
Isolating her just enough.
The logic was that if no one could see, there's no limit.
That day started out just as every other day, the same old routine repeated itself,
She felt the need for a change.
Maybe she was right. She always asked for too much.
The wrongdoings she got punished for weren't really wrong.
They were dramatic, but there was no one to stand up for her.
That night in defense and self-righteousness she left thinking if she removed herself, the storm would calm down.
Drunk of anger and Bud Light, he made it worse.
The stern talking turned to yelling,
Yelling turned to screaming,
Screaming turned to hitting,
Hitting turned to crying,
Blood shot blue eyes turned black
It ended just as fast as it started.
Birds chirping changed to radio voices
The sun turned to fluorescent lighting,
The stained glass windows became polyvinyl curtains,
It was everything around me that was hiding me,
Concealing me and isolating me for the "sake of my own comfort"
At least, that's what they called it.
But we all know, my comfort was stripped from me the second he walked  into my room.
Five years later, I wake up and wonder why the birds still chirp,
Do they not know what they're hiding?
Why does the sun still shine,
Doesn't it know who it's blinding?
I wonder why the stained glass wasn't enough of a warning sign,
Why would some hide behind it if nothing was wrong?
And because "she" is me, just five years earlier, I wonder,
Was I naive to think that it wasn't going to happen?
I know it wasn't all my fault.
But every story has a climax
Free will exists, and he's a grown man.
But being grown means you know how to wash your hands.
Does the fact that I'd never do that to someone else make me the bigger person?
It is that just some lame excuses I tell myself so I can sleep at night?
These are the questions I ask myself every time I look in the mirror
Because my biggest fear is that I'll end up being just like him.
I already have his eyes, what's next?
His alcoholism?
His narcissism?
Who knows?
I don't.