found in notes app

happiness = atlantis

i dont think i can be happy.
It's not something i deserve.
because if i did truly deserve it, none of what happened to me would've taken place.
if i was deserving, i wouldn't feel like this all the time.
feeling like everyone hates me and i do everything wrong,
feeling tears in my eyes every time i look at myself in the mirror.
I'm feeling like i can't get out of bed because i should've never woken up,
i thought that happiness was like atlantis, hard to find
or maybe it just doesn't exist at all.
i never thought it would bring me much bliss, anyway, happiness, that is,
cause ignorance is to think it'll stay
and innocence is to think it'll all be ok
and im neither of those things.
im to self-conscious to have an ego, let alone be ignorant
and my innocence was stolen from me when i was twelve.
That's why i think that happiness is like atlantis, hard to find, and probably just doesn't exist at all.
cause nothing that's been done to me would've taken place
if i was truly meant to be happy