Dare You To Love Me

«18» glimpses of us

Had someone told Yaseerah a few weeks ago that she would be walking into a non-mahrem’s house alone, fully conscious and of sound mind, Yaseerah would have smiled condescendingly and called it a lie.

But then, had someone told her that she would ever find herself conflicted about her future, she wouldn’t have believed it either.

Or the most surreal thought of all, that she would have someone in her life other than Bilal or Mamu, whom she could run to–when her entire world felt like it was collapsing in on itself–and also let him see her break, Yaseerah wouldn’t have believed it either.

And yet, there she was, walking with sure steps that betrayed nothing of her inner turmoil, her mind and body alert of the ensuing intimacy that came with being in an enclosed space together.

“Yaseerah,” Fulan called out, pausing in his strides, as he reached the main door that led into the detached duplex.

The sound of her name on his lips always made her heart tighten with something akin to grief and longing. How he could stir such emotions within her was a question Yaseerah was afraid she would never get the answer to.

“Are you sure about this?”

“I trust you,” she nodded, even though she wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince between the two of them.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, it was herself she didn’t trust around him.

Fulan hesitated for a bit, before he turned and inputted the passcode into a panel by the door.

When it pinged green, and the door opened, he made no move to walk inside. Instead, his eyes glanced at her briefly, and Yaseerah glanced back, with absolutely no idea of any of his thoughts.

Was he reluctant to have her in his space?

A hollow feeling began to take space in her heart once again. But before she could second-guess herself and her decisions, he smiled warmly at her and gestured for her to walk in before him like the gentleman he was.

“Welcome home.”

Welcome home, two words she both needed and didn’t need to hear from him.

Yaseerah didn’t allow him to see how his words affected her or how hollow they made her feel inside.

Neither of them spoke after that, as she walked into the spacious area, taking in the foyer which had her releasing a soft gasp.

The foyer was a beautiful blend of black and gold finishings which made her think of her wedding dress, along with the lies, the guilt and the pain she was holding in.

Adorned with sleek cream marble flooring, and gold accents which glimmered under the soft ambient lights, the foyer boasted of a timeless elegance and sophistication that cocooned Yaseerah in a homely warmth that left her feeling hollow on the inside.

Elaborate chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their crystals refracting the light and creating a dance of shimmering patterns across the walls.

Two black pouf stools sat across a large black and gold statement mirror, but despite the beauty of her environment, Yaseerah couldn’t allow herself to fully appreciate it for fear of what it would lead to.

Her thoughts distracted her well enough, she hadn't noticed Fulan move, until he was standing directly in front of her.

“Is something wrong?” he asked gently, his eyes curious as he waited for her reply.

Everything is wrong, she wanted to cry out, but her tone was even, and her smile when it came did not reach her eyes. “No, nothing is wrong.”