"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the model on the screen.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the dance instructor, tall and lean.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the mother.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said another.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the mirror.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the scale.
They're going to measure us in class today.
They're going to say the measurements out loud to the other, writing away.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
They're going to announce each girl's costume sizes in ballet today.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
It's just ballet. That's just how it goes. That is what they'll say.
"Your teacher is just old fashioned."
Is what I'm supposed to understand if I have the passion.
"She has the perfect ballet body."
That's what the dance instructor said to my mother about nine year old me.
"You have the perfect ballet body."
Is what she said to little me.
Is the "perfect ballet body" my protruding ribs and collarbones?
Is the "perfect ballet body" my doctor running tests to check for iron deficiency?
Is the "perfect ballet body" my doctor telling my mom that I needed to eat more? I ate plenty. I ate what I needed.
"She has the perfect ballet body."
I would always grin in pride at the phrase.
I was a child, I didn't understand the weight of it.
"She has the perfect ballet body."
Why was the dance instructor praising me while the doctor was worrying?
"She has the perfect ballet body."
I heard that phrase less often as I grew into my teenage body.
"She's putting weight on this year."
I look back on photos of myself from that time and am still shocked by how tiny I used to be.
"She has the perfect ballet body."
I stopped hearing that phrase.
What do I have going for me ?
Why has my worth withered away?
I swear, if I have to hear another person say-
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Said the woman online.
I can afford to skip the bread today.
"Nothing tastes the way skinny feels."
I can skip the pasta...
Or maybe not. I still have a month to reach my goal anyway.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Why do I feel succumbed by guilt for picking up that muffin?
"She has the perfect ballet body."
That's what I yearn to hear.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
I mumble as I run my fingers against my jawline to make sure it's still there.
I wrap my hands around my thigh as the ground presses against my heels.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
The words brush my ears anytime I eat. I don't do ballet anymore. I've grown up.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Are the words I believe to have infected my sister.
The little cheerleader.
I see so much of myself in her.
She complains about wanting to be thinner.
I wish the mirror would present herself to her the way I see her.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Is what I hear when I look at my older photos.
I didn't understand it back then, the type of damage it would soon commence.
Is my "perfect ballet body" supposed to be my unhealthiest state?
I didn't comprehend it back then.
The words my ears consumed.
I wouldn't understand till I was older, sitting in my room.
I still find myself touching my jawline, grabbing my rib cage, wrapping my fingers around my thighs.
Are they truly just little lies?
And each time, I recall those words that crawled into my mind, so long ago in my younger years.
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
✎ 𝐬.𝐩.
vent lol
