No Choice But You // Ominis Gaunt x Reader

Chapter 19

I found myself by the lake that lay within the Forbidden Forest, tossing stones within its depths and watching the surface of the lake ripple. Small droplets of rain also disturbed the surface, creating a beautiful scene. I kept my eyes on the lake and tried to clear my head of everything else. 

It should be easy for me to just forget about everything and go back to how things were last year. All I had to do was ignore everyone and focus on my studies. For starters, I shouldn't have been sitting by the lake when I had an essay due that I hadn't even started, but I couldn't reign in my mind enough to even think about that right now. That would require a trip to the library, which meant lots of reading, and with the headache I had, there was no way I could get through that. 

The drinking had to stop. I felt terrible the day after the parties, and my body wouldn't be able to keep up with me if I continued on that road--not with the way I couldn't get myself to eat. Every time I let Anne drag me to a party, I ended up making bad decisions, usually including Ominis in that bad decision-making. That had to stop, now. 

I tossed another stone into the lake and watched the ripples spread outward until they receded. I took in a deep breath, trying to ignore the aching in my chest and the stupid pain in my heart. I shouldn't be getting hung up on Ominis, but I was. 

I felt the sparks. It was like fireworks had gone off inside my entire body when we kissed--yet he thought it was a mistake. It was stupid of me to think it could have been anything else. Still, my body ached, and everything felt heavy, and I wasn't sure it was related to the dark magic usage in my soul at all. 

After a while, I stood up and headed back to the castle, again wishing that I'd brought my broom with me. My legs were protesting all the walking I was doing. I was in no shape to be moving around like this. With what little food my body allowed me to consume, I needed to preserve my energy as best I could. 

I internally groaned when I remembered that I had quidditch practice the next day. I knew that was going to be disastrous, and I would disappoint Imelda. Part of me wanted to quit and avoid it all, especially seeing as both Anne and Sebastian were on the team, but I knew I couldn't do that to Imelda. This was one commitment I wasn't going to drop. 

* * *

As expected, at quidditch practice the next day, my body fought against every movement and action, and by the end of the session, all I wanted to do was drop dead. Anne trailed after me when as I went back to the castle, calling my name. 

"Y/n, just stop, please!" she called. I kept walking. I clutched my chest as an unexpected pang of guilt rang through me. "You can't keep ignoring me, you know." 

I stopped. Maybe I'd just let her get all of this out now, and she could stop bothering me after that. 

"You can do it to everyone else if you want to, but I'm not going to let you cut me out, too. Don't think I can't tell what you're doing." 

I kept myself faced away from her, even when she reached my side. "I'm only doing what's best," I told her sternly. 

"Best for all, or just best for you?"

"Best for everyone," I hissed. "You're stupid if you can't see how terrible I am for everyone."

"You're the only stupid person here, saying things like that," she said back to me, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's not a curse to have people care about you."

"No one cares," I stated. "And if you do, then you shouldn't. You just need to stay away from people like me." 

"Did Ominis say something to you again? I told you, I'd--"

"He didn't say anything," I bit back. I don't know why the words were coming out so harshly, but I couldn't stop them. "And you shouldn't care. You're stupid if you think your caring makes you my friend or something. I don't need your concern. I don't need you." 

"Merlin's Beard, y/n, do you even hear yourself right now?" 

"Just leave me alone from here on out," I stated firmly as I started walking away. 

"Y/n, don't you dare walk away from me right now!" Anne called. I ignored her. 

I was tired of disappointing everyone. I didn't want them to care. All that would do was make them hurt. It was better if I cut the ties now, before letting them get too strong. I needed to keep everyone away, or else they'd suffer. 

That's all that happened to people who got too close to me. 

Sebastian suffered. Ominis suffered. Professor Fig fucking died, and there's nothing in the world that can fix that. Nothing. 

Nothing helps when my mind repeats the fond memories of him while I try to sleep at night, and nothing soothes the pain when the memory of him dying plays on repeat like a broken record. Fig was the closest thing I'd ever had to a father, and look where that relationship got him. 

Look where a friendship with me got Sebastian. He didn't deserve that. I should have stopped him. 

I am a terrible person for letting things go down like they did, and the only person who seemed to see through me and notice who I was at my core was Ominis. He knew it was best for me to stay away from everyone, and I knew he was right. 

There was something inherently wrong with me that nothing could fix. I deserved every inch of the pain I felt, and I deserved to end up alone.