No Choice But You // Ominis Gaunt x Reader

Chapter 25

~Songs I listened to while writing this chapter: A Song for You by Kishi Bashi, and Agape by Nicholas Britell

As the sun started to set, we all made our way back to the castle. I lagged behind the group a bit, but Anne fell back with me, looping her arm in mine as we walked.

"You can't push me away," she simply stated. "You can try, but I'm not going to let you." 

I didn't respond this time. Telling her off didn't do anything last time. 

"I know you think it is what's best, but you're dead wrong. You forget that I've gone through this before, with Ominis and then Sebastian. You're never going to get any better if you keep shoving everyone away like you do. Having a support system is one of the first things you're going to need if you want to fight this. So I'm not going to give up on you, regardless of what you want. I'm going to be there." 

Again, I didn't respond. I wasn't even sure what to say. The last thing I wanted was to be a burden to those around me. I wasn't an easy person to get along with--I knew that better than anyone. I couldn't even get along with myself half the time. I didn't know why I was so mean. I'm not a mean person, really, but I didn't know why I was so vicious toward others. I knew if I were to open my mouth, I'd probably say something mean or too honest, and I didn't want that. So I stayed quiet. 

The sun washed the landside in brilliant shades of orange and yellow as we walked back, and I turned my attention to the view. 

Sometimes, it was nice to feel small in the grand scheme of things. When I looked out at the view surrounding me, I remembered how small me and my problems really were. I took in a breath and listened to the stale leaves crunch under my feet as we walked. 

"And I knew what you were doing back there," Anne told me. "You totally did that on purpose."

"Not my fault he's easily irritated," I finally responded. 

"It was funny--but mean. He thinks you two have been secretly dating behind all of our backs." Anne laughed and unlinked her arm from mine, rubbing her red fingertips together. She pulled her wand out and performed a warming charm on her coat before returning it to her pocket. "Much better," she muttered. 

"Garreth and I?" I laughed. "We're just friends. He was in on that, too--it wasn't all me." 

"But I bet it was your idea," she retorted. She had me there. "What was with him, anyway? I've never seen him act like that before. At least not about you--suddenly he's acting all jealous and weird." She cocked her eyebrow at me. "Now I really want to know what happened between the two of you at that party. Obviously, it was something."

"It wasn't anything," I said quietly. I didn't like thinking about that night. I didn't like the way it made me feel when I thought about what he'd said to me. 

Mistake. 

That's all it was. But still--he was acting jealous when other guys got close, so maybe he didn't think it was. 

"I'm sure it wasn't nothing," Anne poked. "I won't push it any further, but judging by how you both react when I ask, I can tell something happened. I'm not clueless."

I was glad to hear that Ominis hadn't said anything to her about it, either. What happened was still a secret, and I preferred it that way. I'd felt humiliated that night after that, and I didn't want anyone to know about it. 

When we reached the castle, we all parted ways, and Sebastian, Anne, and I headed toward the Slytherin common room. I was completely out of breath by the time we reached the bottom of the stairs due to all the walking. I was in no position to be moving around as much as I was. 

In the commons, I spied Ominis standing over by the window that looked out into the depths of the black lake. The dim, blue light shone across his face and accentuated his features, making my stomach twist in a funny way when I looked at him. 

Part of me wanted to go over to him and talk to him, but judging by the expression on his face, he was still upset. I didn't want to stoke it any further, and I wasn't even sure what I'd say. I'd more than likely end up saying something I'd regret, so I left the commons and went to my dorm. 

I decided to change things up, and I took the hottest shower I could stand. I scrubbed away at my skin until every part of me was pink and raw, and the burning water was all I could feel. I was getting too used to the cold, and taking a hot shower after being outside was a shock that felt good. 

The pain in my chest was close to boiling over. 

Anne wasn't wrong--I did do better when I was around others, but I knew they were better off if I kept my distance. 

At least, that's how it seemed, especially with Ominis. While I did feel a bit bad for doing that to him earlier, at least I partially knew where he stood with me. Everything was so confusing. What I told myself was different than the others made it seem, and sometimes it felt like Ominis was the only honest one when he told me he hated me. But seeing him react like that, I wondered how true that really was.

He could act like he hated me all he wanted, but he couldn't stand the sight of me with someone else.