No Chance in Hell

They Had a Hell of a Time

Penelope had never imagined herself the type to go on as many dates as she had since her breakup with Reggie. In the span of a few months, she downloaded all of the apps, asked to be set up by friends, and even resorted to broaching the subject with Violet, who was considered the most notorious matchmaker in the greater London area. All of this was in an effort to put that one night far from her mind, and perhaps in some part to forget that she ever had feelings for Colin Bridgerton. It wasn't starting out very well, but that had more to do with the dating pool than anything. Just this week, she had been on three different dates, all of them ranging from mediocre to off putting to absolutely dreadful. She considered that she ought to widen her net, as dating within society circles was getting her nowhere.

James Debling had been one of the most promising. He reached out to her after the night at the bar and asked if she wanted to grab a coffee. He was rather handsome and quite intelligent, if a bit snobbish. He insisted that the barista put only two perfect oat milk in his chai latte, and the barista explained that she wasn't even sure that was a thing, he scoffed and gave the poor woman the dirtiest look before changing his order. They went on a few dates after that, in which Penelope realized that despite his strangely particular obsession with coffee, he was actually rather nice. Still, just as it did with Reggie, something felt off, and so she decided that they were better off as friends, to which he agreed.

Then, there was Harry Dankworth, a man with the face and body of a Calvin Klein model. She wouldn't call him conceited, but he did have a way of making every one of their dates revolve around him showing off those good looks in some way. Penelope wondered many times why Harry chose to continue dating her. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, and they didn't have much in common, which was why she ended things. She actually introduced him to her sister, Prudence, and two ended up making an oddly perfect pair.

That was a real low point for Penelope. She was quite ready to give up on dating altogether. What was the point when the man on her mind through it all was always, always Colin? Without even intending to, she compared every one of them to him, and they never seemed to measure up. How could they? They do say you never get over your first love. At this rate, her vision of dying an old cat lady might just come true. And she hadn't even had sex yet! She was a woman in the prime of her life and still a virgin. Not that there was anything to be ashamed of for it. A woman's body is her own, of course. But God, Penelope sometimes wondered if it was possible to die of horniness.

She especially thought about this when she was around Colin, which was quite often now that they were repairing their friendship. He was always at her apartment, or she was at his, and he always wore the sexiest button up shirts, tight enough to see his bulging muscles, with two buttons undone so his chest hair poked out. Lately, Colin would stare at her much longer than he used to with this look in his eyes that she associated with hunger or passion, and made her question if his feelings had changed. So many times, she just wanted to rip his clothes off and climb him like a tree.

Of course, she didn't because...because...the more she thought about it, the less reasons Penelope could find not to. Sure, their friendship might get a bit weird afterwards, but they were strong enough to survive anything. And if she did sleep with him, then she would know what it was like and finally be able to move on. Right? Could she do this? She could. Penelope Featherington was going to sleep with Colin Bridgerton. If he wanted to, of course. She hoped he did.

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"

So, got any more dates lined up?" Colin asked, a slightly pathetic hopefulness to his voice that he hoped went unnoticed by Penelope.

She paused, dipping her fries in her ketchup for the sixth time. "Um...no, actually. I think I'm done dating for a bit."

"Oh?"