Goodbye Astarion [Astarion X NB Tav]

Part 2

As soon as Tav had said it, they knew it was a mistake. "It's not so bad, you know." they pull away suddenly and their hands fly to their hair, smoothing imagined fly aways. They begin to pace. "The palace, it's comfortable! The spawn... Kyus and Elhorn, they have every comfort imaginable. So do I." They have to fix this. Tav can feel Jahiera's eyes following them but they don't meet them. "We have mortal servants that dote on our every whim. The others, they're just to keep us safe. Strong. Two vampires in the city? Without a coven? We'd be sitting ducks for the first monster hunter with dreams of grandeur!" Tav is shouting and waving their hands.

Jeheira rolls her eyes and now she's shouting too. "My gods, child, do you not hear yourself?" She advances on Tav, not the least intimidated. Tav put their hands between them, as if to ward her off. "You truly are his spawn. You dress like him, you speak like him, and now you act like him too."

Jaheria is shaking her head. What hurts more, the disappointment or the revulsion? Both are clear and burning as daylight on her face mere inches from Tav's own. The panic is building again, radiating like ice from their fingertips and crawling, clawing, deeper in and up their body. Tav tries to step back but it's like they collide with a wall. Tav shoots a look over their shoulder. The sea, running water. There is no retreat. "You just don't understand." Tav's voice is quiet again, all the fight sapped from them. "He's just trying to keep us safe."

"I didn't come to fight you, Tav, but this" Jaheira gestures at Tav "it's not healthy... and I'm not the only one who worries for you." Tav groans. They remember the look that had passed between Karlach and Wyll, how quickly they had ushered them on even though Tav would have stayed there all evening. "I remember who you were." Tav can't hold Jaheira's intense gaze and looks down. "You were all spunk and fire. You cared about everyone, even those who didn't deserve it."

Tav can guess who she means. No. They won't hear this. A muscle flexes in Tav's jaw and they glare into the sand. Asatrion was right. This was a bad idea. They should never have come.

Jeheria can see this will not go further. She sighs and pats Tav's stiff shoulder. Tav still won't look at her. "Very well, cub." she looks back towards the party "The night is still young. Take a break and then rejoin the party. We've all missed you." She looks at Tav one more time. "Turns out you are a very difficult person to get a hold of."

Tav watches Jahera turn and leave, returning to the glow of the fire and music. She waves to Gale and they both continue to the refreshments and out of sight. Tav groans and turns toward the sea. They lift a hand and push against the invisible but impermeable barrier that prevents them getting any closer to the water. It doesn't move and Tav pushes harder. Nothing happens of course and Tav balls up their fist with a growl and slams their knuckles against it, punching again and again.

Their knuckles bruise then split. "Gods damn it!" Tav curses and flings their empty goblet at the wall only for it to sail through and land in the surf with a splash. Tav drops to their knees, head bowed and hands limp in the sand. It was all too much. This party was supposed to be a relaxing break. A chance to get away from the constant bickering at home with Astarion. Of course I'd ruin this too. What don't I spoil? They lift their eyes and stare out at the dark water. Stars sparkle on the surface warping and dancing with the waves.

Asatrion was keeping their friends away. Tav is sure now he must have been the one to lose the letters from Karlach and Wyll, and Kyus and Elhorn wouldn't turn away a guest unless Astrion had bidden it. Guilt seizes Tav again. The fucking spawn. That's when things started to go bad, when the tiefling woman had joined them four months ago. That was when everything went downhill.

-

Tav had been lounging in the drawing room. They were stretched across a velvet chaise lounge, a book in one hand held open with their thumb. The fireplace roared though it was midsummer, Tav missed being warm. The windows were blocked out with heavy drapes and tall bookshelves obscured them further. Still, tav could hear the rain slapping against the glass. There were other sounds too, a mouse somewhere in the walls, the servants stepping lightly, always out of sight. It was calm, comfortable and charmed if a bit lonely.