Empathy or Lack Thereof

Fatherhood

Tw: implied child absue
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It was still really early when Charlie woke up. The tv had been left on at full volume, so when the tv was turned on again, it blasted the whole silent apartment in loud music. Charlie sat up so fast, heart racing.

When he realized it was just the tv, that was hurriedly being turned down, he took a breath and got out of bed. He was dehydrated again. And so, he walked out into the living room to see a small brown and green blob dip behind the couch. Squinting without his glasses, he saw the top of Flippa's head peaking out from over the couch's arm.

"Hey, Flippa. It's ok, I am not mad." Charlie said. She peaks over at him, still apprehensive.

Once, he had gotten upset and screamed at her for using the tv. He'd been upset because it was the middle of a fight with Mariana and having happy ass kids shows in the background was pissing him off further. But he guessed Flippa thought he was mad at her for using the tv in general. Guilt flooded him.

"What are you watching, Sweetie?" He asked quietly. He wasn't sure what else to say, he wasn't good at this kind of thing.

'Dog show.' She signed. 'Blue.'

He didn't understand. Looking at the TV, he saw the intro playing. 'Bluey' the screen said.

"I have never seen this before. Can I watch it with you?" Charlie asked.

She nodded, coming out from behind the couch. Charlie sat down on the couch with her and the little girl went back to what she was watching. He hadn't been allowed to watch kids shows when he was her age.

If his dad caught him making 'unnecessary noise' he'd be in so much trouble. Even the thought of what his father would do to him if he accidentally blasted the tv made Charlie's throat tight with anxiety and hands clench. He needed something else to focus on before he had a breakdown. And it turns out, the show on TV was a great thing to focus on.

A stay at home dad doing his best for his kids and playing make-believe with them. It made something in Charlie's chest ache. The whole world seemed so light and bouncy.

The hours seemed to drift by and eventually, Charlie was paying more attention than Flippa was. She seemed more concerned with trying to reach the cabinets above the sink. Charlie hardly noticed anything until she came back with a pouty look on her face.

"Are you hungry, Juannaflippa?" She nods. "Of course... uh... I... am sure we can find something to eat."

The two get ready and leave with no goal in mind. She needed something much more filling than samples at a store, but he didn't know what else to get her. Glancing around, he tried to figure out a plan.

When a tiny hand brushed his, his flinched away before he thought about it. Flippa gave him a shocked look, pulling her hands to her chest and frowning harder. Charlie didn't mean to flinch, he just... he hadn't been expecting to be touched by someone.

"Sorry." He said. She didn't reach out again, so he didn't force her.

The streets were crowded with people heading from place to place. Flippa stuck close to him, trying not to get separated. Eventually the crowds thin and they end up in a plaza.

Charlie hated asking for help, but he needed to make sure his daughter lived more than he needed to keep his damaged pride. With a frown, he lingers outside of a fast food restaurant, waiting for people to come by and trying to gain the confidence to beg random strangers for food. It was hard to do both things. He wanted to be anywhere but here, the waiting was killing him. Sometimes when he tried to talk to someone who was walking into the restaurant, they'd ignore him. Other times they'd say they didn't have the money for it.