For What is Bought in Blood

Hamster on its Wheel

A dress of dark tulle drifts around me in my mother's garden. I can feel the grass beneath my feet, and I wiggle my toes in it. It feels so soft, like the grass is liquid. My slow pace parts the grass waves slowly as if to avoid my touch. I smile to myself as the sun warms my face.

Rustling to my right causes me to turn, my smile remains intact. Terran is there, dark colored shirt to match my dress. His well-fitting pants and shirt exude wealth. Surrounded by the dripping gold and flowers of the garden, our dark clothes contrast heavily. He smiles, holding out a hand towards me. Walking beside me, I feel like we fit together here. I take his outstretched hand.

"Dance with me, Princess," he practically sings to me. My smile somehow becomes wider as he pulls me in, spinning me. Our gazes meet and I gasp at the heat waiting there.

"Terran," his name barely leaves my lips louder than a whisper, our slow movements leaving my stomach fluttering. The dimples on his cheeks appear and I swear his eyes glow golden.

The dark cloud of fabric surrounding us makes me feel as if we're dancing in a cloud, lightning and all. Our bodies pressed together fills the garden with rain and thunder. No words are spoken between us anymore, just heated eye contact and laughter as he spins me around.

The storm picks up, causing the entire garden to shake. We continue to dance through the mess of decorations and statues falling over and crumbling. In this moment with him, I feel untouchable, unbeatable. I throw my head back and laugh as he spins me faster and faster through the storm.

"Alula!" a muffled voice screams into my dreams, causing me to immediately awaken. Hollie is shaking the door to my bedchamber, causing my entire body to move.

I quickly remove myself from the floor and open the door to a pale faced Hollie. She quickly pushes me aside, smuggling a large box inside with her. My eyes do not leave the expertly wrapped package. It is too small to be a dress from my mother, and much too obvious to be a package from Morelin.

"This was by your door, Allie," she places the darkly decorated box onto the edge of my bed. She eyes me to gauge my response, but my brain remains a mess. I school my face into calm. For a minute we stand there, just staring at an unopened package on my bed.

"Could it be..." I cut her off, shaking my head at her. It just wouldn't make sense for a contact to send me something. My identity would have to become known first, and then the most likely response from most of them would be to eliminate me. As I am, I remain an asset to the crown. I can't imagine one of my rebellion chess pieces taking the time to sneak this into the castle.

She turns to face me, her hands tightly clasped together. Her arms hang loose and her shoulders are relaxed, but she cannot hide her fear.

I reach for the bow on top. The package looks innately feminine, but the dark colors contrast the cheerful bow. The entire appearance puts me on edge, but what's inside must be important for me to have. Who would dare send me a package within the castle?

The bow falls and I hear Hollie gasp to my right. I pry the top open, almost wincing as I peer inside.

A single dagger from my father's set rests inside.

Terran. My stomach knot worsens as Hollie peers inside, another gasp leaving her lips. She quickly covers her mouth, blue eyes wide. She looks at me and I realize she is the physical portrayal of the fear I have inside. Her terror is palpable as it fills the room, the silence between us growing thin.

"That is your dagger, Allie." The weight of it rests on her heavily as she doesn't remove her hands from her mouth to speak. I sit next to the box on the bed, keeping my gaze locked on the knife inside. I nod to her. I should return it to my sheaths, but I cannot bring myself to touch it, as if the sender sent me death in a bow.

Terran. He knows my bedchamber and can sneak around completely unnoticed by me. Despite falling asleep by the door, I still missed him leaving the package. Maybe I did hear and just could not bring myself to awaken from my dream. Gods, that would be worse.

"Hollie please sit with me. I have to tell you about last night."

She sits without hesitation, as far away from the dagger as she can. Mistrust for the gift rests between her brows. Her blue eyes remain wide on me as I recount meeting Terran in the tunnels. She picks at her nails but listens carefully.

"You met a dark and mysterious man who knew your identity and you didn't kill him?" I shake my head. Hollie knows better than anyone all of the contingency plans I have made for situations just as this one.

"I knew I should," a breath leaves me like I've been kicked in the chest. "When it came down to checking my aim, I just couldn't turn back," I looked down at the dagger again and how clean it looked. It seems like not only did I miss my target, but he cleaned it before returning it. I quickly divert my gaze towards the door to try and hide the shame on my face.

She scoots closer, grasping my hand. I can feel the redness in my face as I turn back to her. Anyone else with the training I have would have killed him, made sure to finish the job. I knew my mother hired him to at least watch me, and still I could not kill him. He risks everything I've built, and yet, I still could not choose his fate myself.

"It's not that you couldn't have. It's just that you didn't want to."

I sigh. She's right, as always. Something in me last night decided to throw the dagger, but not really want it to hit its mark. It would have been my first death, and crossing that line never ceases to haunt me. My father may have trained me to kill a man twice my size, but deciding someone is worthy of death by my hand has yet to occur. It's not like the daggers go unused- I have debilitated many attackers in my ventures to the city. Despite their bad intentions, I knew that when I escaped, I would not see them again. This always led me to slice thighs, dislocate kneecaps, stab dominant shoulders... but never strike to kill.

Hollie pats my hand, undoubtedly knowing exactly what I'm fighting with internally. Despite only being a few years my senior, Hollie somehow always has soothing words for me. Since the death of my father, they are the only sincere words that are spoken towards me. I have grown to love her as a friend and a mentor of sorts, admiring the way she feels every emotion so vividly.

"He might be at your mother's party tomorrow," she reminds me. I groan outwardly, slamming my body backwards onto the bed. Would my mother truly bring her sworn killer to a social function? It would more likely be an intimidation move from Ervan.

Seeing Terran again brings up so many possibilities. He claimed to have been watching me yesterday, does he already know of my moments in the city? Worse, has he told my mother or Ervan I'm fueling the rebel cause? My meeting with Wolf may say enough for him to believe so. Does he know of Morelin aiding me? He couldn't, unless he can read coded messages and understand the physical tells that Morelin projects.

Not only all of that, but my dream last night still plays on my emotions. Why would I accept his dance in my dreams? There is no way he charmed himself into my dreams. My subconscious must be warning me about something. The storm?

"Your mother has requested you for tea today," Hollie digs through my extensive supply of court dresses. She glances over her shoulder and gives me a knowing smile, and I groan again. There is nothing more useless than engaging my mother and her court ladies. Conversation will bounce from recent marriages and pregnancies to much more nefarious gossip- all topics that I stay silent throughout.

Keeping my one untouched dagger strapped to my dominant leg, I let Hollie outfit me in scratchy material and gems.