Through my eyes

4

Running away from where I'm from, never could stay with no one, loving you almost feels like something.
When no one's around me you lost and found me.
I Was surrounded with open arms
Sza- open arms

I'm sweating bullets. I've changed my tee shirt three times already, soaking with sweat. I'm nervous. So nervous, I can't stop vomiting, every little bit of food I had consumed in the past 24 hours is in the sewer and didn't come out from the rear end.

Caden is due any second now and I can't stop barfing or sweating. Send help.

I rinse my mouth for the umpteenth time. Hands shaking as I try to close the tap.
I styled my black curls in an updo, a little bit of eyeliner to pop my Hazel eyes, caramel skin hydrated well was hydrated. My bruise covered in make up.

I look exactly like my father with my hair up. I hate that jerk. Seeing his features on my face makes me sick. A reminder of his unforgivable act.

I wore my nicest and most expensive baggy tee shirt, with baggy sweat pants. I couldn't find anything skimpy and attractive, I don't own such. I only wear baggy clothes. Maybe it's time for a wardrobe change. Or maybe I should have borrowed clothes from Maya and asked for advice on how to make a boy like you. Not that I hadn't stayed up all night googling it! One site went as far as saying I should be myself!! Tf! I don't like myself. I'm dysfunctional and even more dysfunctional! Tell me who'll want me! I dont want me!

The bell rings downstairs jolting me from my reverie, I feel the urge to vomit. I pull the cabinet open and quickly toss the small white table in my mouth. Washing it down with water. Originally Prescribed for my anxiety, hardly works but I'm desperate right now, so I add two more for good measure.

I breathe in before I pull the door open.
Beautiful brown eyes stare back at me and and his cheeks dent in, perfect pearly whites out on display. Razor sharp jaw. Perfect skin. He's a work of perfection.

"hi" he breathes. His voice so deep. I shiver.  I could only stare in awe. He's never gonna like me back. He's too perfect. He's so tall I'm like a toddler standing next to him. He is very Pleasing to the eye. Breathtaking. I wanna stare at him forever. I want him to be mine.

He smiles wider and the heat spreads to my neck heating up my entire body. "uh hey come in" trying to scramble for the little dignity I had left I step aside and let him in

"you okay?" no I'm not!

"all good, are you okay?" we stand awkwardly in the threshold
"yeah, happy birthday" he gently pushes the gift bag from his hand to mine momentarily touching me. A wave of excitement surges through me. And I feel like I'm floating. God he smells so good.

*

This has to be the best birthday ever. Me and Caden made food he can't cook and neither can I. We were solely depending on the cook book we found dusty and forgotten in the kitchen drawer.

Overall the food was good. The company was even better. Maya dropped by to give me my gift. When she saw Caden she turned beet red. Winking with her thumbs up  mouth wide, her features animated. I know she'll be blowing up my phone soon demanding detail for detail.

I found out alot about Caden. He's a beautiful soul. Taking care of his baby brother when his mother is at work. I wanna know more. I need to know more.

We sat quietly as shrek was coming to an end. I didn't concentrate much too busy stealing glances the entire time. I can't get over how he just materialsed in my living room. All beautiful and flawless. The way he looks at me. Like I'm worth his time. Like I'm worth it.