Down the road of memories

It's always been you

Noah POV

After our afternoon at the Santa Monica wharf, Elle and I decided we weren't particularly hungry after snacking all afternoon. We stopped for ice cream on the way and then walked side by side. I had a very clear idea of where I wanted to take her but she didn't seem to have guessed it yet. She spoke enthusiastically about a trip to New York that Lee had proposed that the four of us do for New Year's Day. However, she froze when she realized where I was taking her: the gazebo in the park.

We stopped at the side of the road looking at the gazebo down the hill. Several memories rushed through my head. I hadn't been back to this place since that famous summer. Along with the letters Hollywood, this place was our place for us. The place where I confessed to her that I had feelings for her, the place where she told me she loved me for the first time, and the place where we reconciled during my freshman year at Harvard. Was this place going to work its magic even today?

I turned to Elle to realize that her eyes were full of tears. I put a hand on her cheek.

- Is it too soon?" I asked, letting my gaze penetrate her eyes.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she told me:

- It's the place I landed the night you broke up with me after Lee threw me the tantrum of the century because I missed our date at the arcade. This place had always been synonymous with promise and reconciliation for me. And at that very moment, I clearly needed it. " She said to me as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

My own eyes filled with tears at the memory of what I had done that night. I had stayed at the foot of the Hollywood letters until nightfall, then I went to my parents' house where I collapsed in a fetal position on my bed. Sleep hadn't taken long to envelop me due to my tiredness, but I woke up the next morning in the same nightmare. I, too, would have needed promise and reconciliation at that time.

- Do you think it's possible now? Is it too late for a reconciliation?" I asked, wiping away her tears with my thumbs.

She simply held up her head and took a deep breath before following me. We walked down the hill hand in hand and reached the gazebo. Elle sat at a bench and looked around as if she saw ghosts.

- What are you thinking about? " I asked as I sat down next to her.

- The first time we came here together, after the Kissing Booth! I felt like I was living in a fourth dimension at that time. When you told me that I was the only girl who didn't fall at your feet and that it would drive you crazy, I thought to myself : how can this be possible?

- It was so possible, Elle! I didn't tell you the full truth at this time.

She looked at me with questioning eyes before I continued:

- I had been in love with you for several years at that time. In fact, since I was about 15 years old. You were the only girl I felt comfortable being myself with. To whom I could show the real Noah and not the Flynn. That's why I never had another girlfriend in high school. I couldn't help but think about you and it completely took away my desire to be with someone else.

- But, that didn't stop you from kissing practically all the girls in high school!

- It allowed me to distract myself! I thought I had bad luck with you because of Lee and your famous rule number 9.

She laughed at the memory of this famous rule that had given us a lot of trouble.

- After that night, I started to have hope that it could work out between you and me!" I said, twisting our fingers.

- I have to admit that I had a hard time believing that you were really serious about your feelings towards me for a long time. That's why it took me so long to admit that it could be true and to be ready to face Lee. It took me so long before I finally told you that I loved you.

- My fondest memory of this place!" I said, letting the memories of that evening wash over me. "I was getting ready to leave for Boston to get away so I don't have to admit to myself that my heart was totally broken after you rejected me at the prom. I had spent one or if not the worst 24 hours of my life. Then when Lee came to me in my room to tell me that I had to switch my clothes with him because you wanted to meet me at the airport, hope started to come back.

- I've done you a lot of harm by always putting my friendship with Lee before our relationship, not just at that time, but also throughout this famous summer when everything went into a tailspin.

- What makes you see it?

She sighed heavily before telling me:

- The night I came here after the breakup, I replayed the conversation with you and then the one with Lee in my head. The difference was so striking. You'd just broken up with me so I wouldn't put your needs before my own, and then Lee blamed me for never putting his needs first. " She told me as more tears rolled down her cheeks. "I understood at that moment that to some extent my friendship with Lee was like a slave relationship, I absolutely had to satisfy him. I had to play by the rules or I would break up our friendship. But, I broke something else by doing that. By the time I realized it, it was too late for us.

- Has your friendship with Lee changed over time?

- The distance helped. Still, I was criticized several times when I was admitted to Johns Hopkins University. I should have gone to Stanford. It would have made up for the fact that I didn't go to Berkeley. Then when I told him I was going to Europe... whew! Luckily Rachel had just come back into the picture because I think he would have chained me up so I wouldn't leave. But I think he's gotten used to it today. Either way, his life is with Rachel!

- What about you, Elle? Where is your life?

She sighed before saying:

- If you had asked me this question a month ago, I wouldn't have known what to say. I was at the end of my internship in Paris. I had to decide on a residency. I knew I wanted to do emergency but where? My dad suggested I come to Chicago, but I never particularly liked this city. I thought about staying in Europe or coming back to Baltimore. I also had an offer in New York. When the offer from Los Angeles Medical Center came to me, I knew it was the best offer, but I also knew that if I came back to LA, I was going to have to face the ghosts I had left behind.

- I understand! And I would even say that I share your sentiment.

- Is that why you haven't made your official decision for your job?

I took a few moments to think before telling her:

- I, too, fled LA for several years. For fear of facing the ghost I had left here. I've always had a hard time thinking of you as my ex...

She looked at me again with surprised eyes:

- I spent the first year and a haft after we broke up pretending I still had a girlfriend in California. After that time, I stopped pretending, but I didn't advertise myself as single. When I found out from Lee that you were dating Skylar, Chloe dragged me on a few dates. I looked like someone who had moved on, but each time I automatically compared every girl to you and she never came close to you. I didn't want a poor replacement.

I walked over and took her face in my hands and said:

- Ever since I was 15 years old, Elle, it's always been you! And the 6 years we've been apart have only confirmed to me that it's only you that counts, Elle! There was never anyone else...

I then imprisoned her lips with mine, making a reflection of that kiss after our reconciliation on this famous Thanksgiving. Bringing with it a promise of reconciliation again...