Chenford | stories written at 2am

me too

Tw depression, mentions of rape

The days after I got out of the hospital were the worst, I had to give statements again and again. Chris denied he ever did anything but the rape kit concluded that they found his semen. I was so scared no one would believe me and I had never felt this weak or fragile.

They ended up prosecuting him and I wish I felt relieved but I still feel like shit. I'm still stuck in the room where he raped and beat me, I can't get out. My days were blending together, I would lay in bed everyday staring at the ceiling even though I was exhausted, i couldn't eat because I felt so disgusting. Tim checked in on me everyday and made food but I never really talked to him. He would try and get me out of bed but I just pretended to be asleep. "Lucy why don't we go on a hike today with Kojo? He really misses you". I really wanted to see kojo but the thought of having to go outside petrified me.

The days after I regularly checked on Lucy, she barely ate or slept. When i tried talking to her she pretended to sleep or just brushed me off. She looks so... broken, it's like she is a shell and I can't seem to recognise Lucy anymore.
I am so worried and can barely sleep myself, I wish I could do anything to help her. I tried talking het into going on a hike with me but she said she was tired. I took some days off but I have to go work next week and I'm sl scared to leave her alone.

I knew I had to go outside eventually, I needed to go back to work and real life. I realised Tim had to take days off just so he could be with me and I didn't even thank him. I knew he had to go back to work on monday so sunday morning I got out of bed and asked if he was still up for the hike. "Could we maybe go on that hike today?" I could hear the relief in his voice "uh yeah yeah definitely, i'll go get Kojo. You get ready and I'll pick you up at 10!" I was happy to see him happy so I smiled at him, or at least I tried. I was a light smile that didn't reach my eyes and I know he knew it was fake.

I finally went in the bathroom. These last days Tim helped me wash myself with a washcloth because I couldn't get completely naked yet, it was too hard. I decided that today was that day to start making progress. I slowly started undressing myself, and got in the shower. I closed my eye the whole time so I wouldn't have to see my body, but at least I showered. I put on leggings and a long sleeve t shirt. I noticed my leggings were getting a little big, which is not weird after barely eating for days.

At 10am I knocked on Lucy's door, I was so happy to see her dressed and ready to go outside. I noticed she has been losing weight. "Have you eaten anything already, we're going to hike 5 miles so you need some fuel" I looked at her and saw her debating what to say. "Uh yeah I ate a sandwich this morning". I knew she was lying but I didn't want to push her. "Alright let's go"

When we got to the car Kojo immediately jumped on Lucy, it was the first genuine smile I had seen this week. It made my heart flutter and for the first time I could breathe again. I hated seeing Lucy like that and I loved that Kojo made her smile.

I was so happy to finally see Kojo again. The hike went okay, I felt myself getting quite dizzy and I felt weak because of the not eating and drinking. I stopped at a bench and sat down because I felt my legs shaking. "Hey Lucy is everything okay?" I focused on his voice because there was black spots clouding my vision and a ringing in my ears' "uh yeah I- I'm fine, just a little bit dizzy". Tim immediately grabbed a granola bar and some water from his backpack, god ofcourse he did. I wasn't hungry but I knew he would drag me back to the car if I didn't eat anything. I did end up feeling better after eating and enjoyed the rest of the hike.
We got back home and Tim and Kojo came inside. "Do you want anything to drink" Tim nodded and I grabbed a beer. We sat down on the couch and I decided I wanted to tell him what happened that night.

"Tim is it okay if I told you what happened that night." I could see the shock in his face but he nodded yes "yeah sure Lucy, but if it's still too hard you can stop if you want.
I put my legs under me on the couch and stared at my hands. "So I mean we met at the bar, obviously. He bought me a drink when I went to the bathroom, and I knew- I knew it was stupid but I thought it was safe, he is a lawyer for gods sake. Eventually it was just us two end I felt dizzy. I said I was going to uber home but he said I was too drunk and he would take me home." I took a shaky breath and tried to not cry. "When we got to his car I asked if he drugged me and he just laughed at me, I felt so stupid. He carried me up because I was too out of it to walk. Once we were inside he- he started kissing me. I tried screaming but he just kept going. I slipped into unconsciousness and when I woke up he was on top of me." I couldn't stop the tears anymore but decided to just keep going. "I felt his hand in- inside of me and it hurt so much when he went to take his pants off I kicked him. I stood up but he punched me in my face and slammed my head into the wall. Next thing I know I woke up, naked and he had left. There was blood everywhere, my whole body was aching". I looked over at Tim and saw he was crying. "I'm so sorry Lucy, i should have never left you alone with him, i am so so sorry." His face broke my heart, how could he ever think this was his fault. "Tim this wasn't your fault, come here" i pulled him into a hug and held on tight. I could feel his body relax a bit but he quickly stood up again. "I should be comforting you, this should be the other way around, I'm sorry" he hugged me and I put my head on his chest and we layed there for hours.

*this part was a littke less heavy, but Lucy is far from getting better