Changing Circles

I hate her.

Sitti was a teenage girl from the province who moved to the city for college. Her parents rented a dormitory near her university. For the first time since she was born, she was to live alone. She was afraid, undoubtedly, but the excitement of having a new experience prevailed. New place. New school. New friends. She couldn't wait.

The first day of school came. She got into a private university cost-free for being amongst the top 100 students who excelled in the entrance exam. She was on the university's best course too. It was such a good start. She had high hopes for her future.

She met her block mates and realized that they were from different places and background. Half of them were original residents of the city while the remaining half was just like Sitti. Most were of the Christian faith. In fact, she was the only Muslim in the circle. It mattered not much though because she was not practicing her deen yet.

Days, weeks, and months passed by, and her excitement started to glitch. Her confidence for being a consistent honor student started to weaken because she was wrong with the course that she has chosen. She was pretty good at math since grade school so she took a bachelor's degree in Accountancy, but now that she was there, she felt like she made a huge mistake. Accounting wasn't really mathematics. The forte that she thought will make her college life easy became almost useless. It was a struggle. After just the first semester, their numbers in the program shrank from 6 to 5 sections. Thankfully though, Sitti still survived.

Second semester came and the batch got shuffled. Some of her classmates were demoted to the other sections while some from the latter entered theirs. Amongst the new one was a Muslim girl. But unlike Sitti, she was out and proud of being a Muslimah as she wore the Hijab and loose clothing. She was a nice girl, a smart one too. They could have clicked for having their religion as their common denominator, but it didn't work out that way. In fact, she found herself despising the new girl's existence.

"Ramadhan mubarak!" Shamsiya, or Shams for short, came walking towards them at the kiosk. As she said Hi to all, she came sitting in front of Sitti and greeted her with such.

Sitti just timidly smiled. "You too." She was all smiles and looked like anticipating a conversation with her. But Sitti didn't give her much attention as she turned to talk to her best friend.

"Ooooh, it's already Ramadhan, Sitti, yet you're thinking of food. Are you even fasting?" Louise, her BFF, asked her.

She rolled her eyes. They were just eating some chips earlier, wasn't that obvious? "I'm not."

That got other block mates curious. "But why? I thought Muslims should be fasting during Ramadhan."

Sitti glanced at Shams for a second and found her quiet and awkward. She guessed she felt guilty for putting her on a hot plate.

"I can't." She simply replied.

"Why?" Another block mate asked. Like seriously, why become curious just now, people?

She made a sour face. "I lived alone at a dormitory. It's hard for me to wake up at 2 am and prepare for fasting." It wasn't an alibi. Back at home, her parents cooked and wake her up once suhoor is done. So, she was able to fast.

"But aren't you also staying in a dorm, Shams? Does someone cook your food?" They turned to her.

She nodded. "Yeah. But I have a dorm mate who also fast with me." She replied. That removed the pressure a little bit from Sitti.

"Hey, Sitti. Why don't you just move in with Shams just for this month?" A block mate suggested. Then she turned back to Shams. "Do you have a spare room in your place, Shams?"

"My gosh. I don't want to live with her." Sitti thought.

"I'm not sure." She replied. "But I guess..." She couldn't continue what she wanted to say. The school bell rang so loud, and they found themselves rushing towards their room. Cliché it might be, but she was saved by the bell.

This was the reason why Sitti found herself hating Shams. When she was still the only Muslim in the block, her religion was no issue. But when she came, it had been a big one. Maybe not really for them, but for Sitti herself, it was. She knows that in other people's perspective, Shams was the obedient one, while Sitti was the neglectful one. Shams was good. Sitti was bad. Nobody said it to her upfront, but she wasn't dumb. She had always been compared to her siblings before, but it was petty for her since she always got the upper hand. She was the smartest, the prettiest, the friendliest at home. But now, the kaffarah of comparison is hunting her. How could she not hate her for that?

A day after that interrogation, Sitti found Shams running after her as she was about to cross the street and go home to her dorm.

"Sitti, wait!" She called her. It was five in the afternoon. She was tired. What does this girl need?

She had a paper bag on her hand. When she was already in front of her, she handed the bag. Sitti just looked at it, then back at her.

"Take this to your dorm." She suggested as she handed it closer to Sitti who had no choice but to get it. She made a quick peek and found a tupper ware inside it. It smelled like food too.

"I have food in my dorm." Sitti told her.

"Yes, I know." Shams was still smiling at her even while Sitti knew that the annoyance was all over her face. "You can have it for sahoor so you can fast tomorrow inn shaa Allah."

Sitti was dumbfounded. How thoughtful. But she also thought that if she really wanted to fast, McDo is just a few meters away from her dorm and it's 24 hours open.

"I'll give you a call too so you will surely be awake before fajr. Bye!" Shams said before walking back to the university.