Changing Circles

The tug of war

What would you do if the person who had always been with you wants you to sacrifice the person you have found benefit in? What would you do if you were Sitti?

Louise was right. Sitti didn't like losing. So, she decided that she is not going to lose either Louise or Shams. They were both important to her in different ways. So, she's not going to let this conflict overcome her.

The next day came and Louise was unsurprisingly cold to Sitti. But she acted like everything was normal. Sitti talked with her squad and she made sure that Shams was in the circle. And when it was time for her to pray, she did it quick so Louise or any of her friends won't think evil of her or Shams again. She thought she was winning her game. But then on the Friday of that week, another string was pulled.

"Assalaamu 'alaykum." Sitti greeted as she entered their mini prayer room in the university. Her sisters in deen were already crowded inside, except Shams. She was still at home. Everyone was preparing for the congregational Jumu'ah prayer. As she was standing in line to make wudhu, a sister chatted with her.

"I don't see you often here anymore. We missed you!" She gave Sitti a tight embrace.

"I missed you too." She replied as she accepted her hug which lasted for five seconds.

"We missed praying Juma'ah with you. Are you too busy to not stay longer?" She continued.

Sitti smiled. She missed the girls. She missed their sharing. She missed their reminders. But she was torn between two equally important things. "Yes, sort of. We're having too many requirements these days. But don't worry, inn shaa Allah, I'll make it up to you." She promised.

The sister turned worried. "Your program is so tough. May Allah make it easy for you." She prayed for Sitti.

"Ameen." Allahumma ameen. Sitti repeated silently to herself.

Feeling the longingness for jama'ah prayer and also wanting to somehow make up to them, Sitti stayed for the congregational prayer. But not before she texted Louise and informed her. A simple "okay" was the only response she received.

- 

"I got to go. Papa's already outside." Louise told Sitti as soon as the bell rang. It was their last period for the day, 30 minutes before 6pm. She was ready to go with her books in her hand.

"Okay, Louise. See you tomorrow." They pecked each other's cheeks then she went outside of the room first.

"Prayer room?" Shams invited Sitti. They went together outside and were on their way to the prayer room when there were a bunch of freshmen students running in the hallway; one of them bumped into Sitti.

Sitti reacted defensively. She was already low-batt but these folks acted like it was just the start of the day.

"SORRY!" The guilty freshman shouted while she was already running away.

"Wow! So sincere!" Sitti shouted back sarcastically.

"Isbiri (Have patience), Sitti." Shams advised her. "It was unintentional."

"Were they blind? And why were they running at the hallway? Isn't the field big enough?" She muttered.

"Let's just go to the prayer room. You need some wudhu." Shams suggested.

Sitti sighed upon realizing what she meant. She was unnecessarily angry. It's best to wash fire with water.

They entered the prayer room and there were a bunch of sisters already there waiting for Maghrib. Sitti performed wudhu first then sat with them on the floor.

"You okay, kakah? You look so stressed." An MSA freshman asked Sitti. She forced a smile. "I'm just tired." She replied.

"Surely you're having so many requirements these past few weeks. I don't see you often anymore." For the second time, Sitti heard that comment again.

She sighed.

"That was deep." An older MSA sister commented as she was sitting opposite to Sitti. "Are you okay?"

Shams was done with her wudhu and sat with us. "Yeah. You get easily irritated lately. Is there something you need to share?"

Sitti sighed once more. "I feel torn and tired." She started. "Whenever I stay here longer with you, my other friends look for me. When I stayed with them longer, you're the one who is looking for me. What should I do?"

"Are they Muslims? You can always invite them here."

She shrugged. "No. They're Christians."

"That's a usual test, Sitti." An elder MSA sister commented. "I had that problem too when I first practiced my deen. You'll get through it, inn shaa Allah."

"What did you do, kah?" Sitti asked.

"Hmm... Let's just say I eventually realized who were the ones worth-keeping." She replied.

Sitti wanted to ask again but the adhan from the male's prayer room started. So, they stopped talking and listened to it. They joined the brothers in their Jama'ah. Sitti was left with no chance to ask again.