COWBOY LIKE ME

My Thoughts Exactly

"Oh my god," Pip breathed upon realizing just what had happened. Her cigarette slipped from her fingers and she was careful to stub it out with her shoe, kicking it off of the balcony, before rushing back inside.

The music continued to blare, but her peers voiced were louder, now. People were shouting, unsure of what was going on — Pip had been the only one to watch Fairview go dark.

"Beck?" She called out, voice raspy, shaking. "B-Beck, where are you?"

People had turned on their phones flashlights, but it wasn't much help. There were scattered spots of light here and there, guiding Pip's way, but it just wasn't helping.

Her whole body was trembling, and she tripped over an empty beer bottle, clawing at somebody's shirt as she fell. An arm reached down from the dark to pull her up, their faces so close that there was hardly room to breathe.

Of course, that was when her eyes met his: deep brown, sparkling even in the dark, with the smallest flecks of golden.

"Fuck," she sighed, pushing herself away from the boy she'd been avoiding. Part of her wanted to apologize, but she felt suddenly all too unstable. Two beers and a cigarette on an empty stomach hadn't been the best idea, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Again, she stumbled, and of course — damn his kind heart — Ravi was there to steady her.

"Stop," she breathed, her vision going spotty, "Stop it, I'm fine."

"Pip, what have you eaten today?" Ravi asked, because of course, he knew. He'd been there the first time, rubbing her back as he practically force-fed her.

"A full breakfast and lunch," she lied. "Right at that counter that you were making out with your girlfriend on! So, thanks for swapping spit where I eat."

"What? You're with Beck?"

"Uh-huh. Does it really matter? You're fucking the girl who called me a slut — and who you cheated on several times."

Ravi sighed, arms crossed — Pip had changed, and they both knew that.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So, thanks for coming to my rescue, Prince Charming, but I don't need your help. If you'll excuse me, I've got to find my boyfriend."

Pip could feel Ravi's eyes burning into her back as she flicked on her flashlight and made for the stairs, but she didn't dare to look back at him. She couldn't bring herself to look into those sparkling eyes again, because if she did, she would never look away.

Shaking the thought out of her mind, she began to hurry, caring a lot more about Beck than she had before.

"Beck?" She called again,  gripping the stair railing like a lifeline as she rushed down them, her flashlight illuminating her heels and her dress reflecting the light like a mirrorball.

She planted her feet at the bottom of the staircase, scanning the room for a sign of her boyfriend, grinning at the sight of his just-long-enough brown hair, almost glowing under someone's flashlight. And, of course, his dark eyes found hers through the crowd, lighting up like they'd never before.

She couldn't help it, the way her grin turned into an overjoyed smile as he pushed past people to reach her, and pressed her to his chest with the warmth of a hug.

He smelled like the new vanilla cologne she'd chosen for him, and his arms around her were warm against her cold skin.

"Are you alright?" He asked, voice muffled in her hair.

"I was scared."

"Were you alone?"

"I was on the porch," she whispered, her head tucked into the crook of his neck. "Nobody else was there. The whole town went dark."

He pressed a warm kiss to her curled hair, and for a moment, let himself be enveloped by her vanilla perfume. "Hey," he whispered, two fingers trailing her back, "At least you're okay."

"Yeah," Pip breathed as his fingers fluttered against her back. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder, not caring about the way her hair was catching in the buttons of his shirt.

For the first time since she'd met him — despite it being only three days prior — she could feel herself falling for him. Maybe, just maybe, Beck could be more than just a distraction. Maybe she and Beck could be something beautiful, something healthy, something shiny and new and amazing.

And maybe, if she could let herself like him — or even love him — she could also let herself be good again.

Let herself recover. Let herself stop getting hung up on the boy who she couldn't have. Let herself finally find peace in this life.

Maybe.

***

Spring seemed to creep up quickly, Pip getting caught up in the blooming of cherry blossoms and tulips, spending more time outside with the days getting longer. And as the sun began to show more, so did Pip's freckles and the sunkissed highlights in her hair.

All of this while Pip was swept up in her romance with Beck — they'd been going strong since that party, the night of the blackout and the night Pip decided Beck was more than just a pawn in her game.

But now, it was spring break, and the two had been together for about three months, and Pip and Ravi's new rivalry had gotten worse.

For the most part, they avoided each other, but when they did see each other in the hallways, they were never alone.

Beck and Pip always walked the halls hand-in-hand, and it seemed that Leila and Ravi did the same — because of this, all they gave each each other were sharp glares and sassy whispers behind hands.

And when they weren't watching the hallways for Leila and Ravi, they were spending every second together, planning for spring break.

So here Pip sat on her bed, windows open, curtains being blown by the breeze, her room sweet with the scent of her flowers mixed with Beck's cologne, planning.

Beck, of course, was sat in Pip's desk chair, legs propped on her bed as he listened to her ramble, and as they passed a cigarette back and forth.

Pip was still... struggling. For a weekend, she thought it'd just been seasonal depression, but, no, she was sick, and she'd pushed away the only person who could see that. Maybe Ravi's glares hadn't been because he was mad at her for ghosting him, maybe they were because he knew that she'd gotten worse.

She didn't want to think about that, actually.

"So," she started. "There's the option of New York, of staying here, or, we could get a group and go to my grandparents' beach house."

She leaned forward, plucking the cigarette from between Beck's fingers and taking a drag from it, eyes shut.

As her eyes fluttered shut, Beck let himself admire her — her hair, longer now, wavy and running down her back like a waterfall. The white tube top she was wearing plus that flowing skirt and her layered jewelry... he really did love spoiling her, that was for certain.

"I think we should go to the beach," he said, nudging her thigh with his foot. "You talk about that house a lot, it'd be a nice getaway. Let's go."

Pip grinned, eyes still shut as she took another drag from their cigarette. "Perfect." She muttered, cigarette held between two fingers.

"You're perfect, Pipsqueak." He said, and she couldn't help but cringe a little — Pipsqueak?
Really?

That didn't matter, though — when she opened her eyes again, he was stood in front of her, smiling softly before sitting next to her.

"So, while I'm here..." he muttered, hands beginning to slip under her shirt.

"My thoughts exactly," she nodded, moving back to sit against her pillows and pulling her top over her head and her boyfriend into a rough kiss.