Branch

First Stranger

Welp. I'm fucked ain't I?

"You never forget your first time" they say.

"First time won't leave your memory" they say.

All I want to do, all that I wish I can do is just to fucking forget that IT ever happened.

Why can't I forget you?

Red braids, bright small eyes , a smile that can knock anybody out cold.

Perhaps fate was the one who decided to torture me like this.

That train ride. Where we first met. Helped her secure her luggage. We couldn't stop talking to each other even if we tried. And how could we not? Good company in a six hour ride would make it feel easier. Hell, it didn't even feel like six hours to me, nor her. Talking about anything and everything. The sunset reflected upon her face. Her freckles on her slightly sharp cheeks, the light hearted look in her eyes. Her voice.........God, her voice.

Later on, we'd take a bus to go to where we were supposed to go, our separate ways. Maybe it was just for that time, that time alone, that I'd actually enjoy my time with a stranger.God knows that I'd have appreciated such time. Though she thought otherwise as she grabbed my phone and gave me her digits. Not even an hour passed that night, she texted. Me being the gentleman I am, asked if she got home safe. From there on, just some simple exchange of words. Banters here and there. Some risky words too.

Only God knows how I felt that time. For a guy who barely socialises except in cases I'm forced to, this went rather well. The silly smiles that'd be plastered on y face when she explained something I didn't understand or vice versa. All was well.....that is the problem. Nothing goes so well for so long.

The texts evolved. I teased for a meetup ,on the account of I'd forget how she looked like. In reality,it's because I know that you can't text forever and I'd just be a millisecond memory. After all, I've been at the pointy end of that sword. Though,she didn't hesitate to respond with a "yes, let's". Color me shocked because that is what I was. A bit of composure and I set up the details for the meet. And that is how the curtains fell down.

Experience taught me to keep a very low expectation of what is to come,in that most likely she'd have flaked or give me a pathetic excuse as to why she didn't show up, because she was quite late. Almost gave up waiting, until I saw her, in a red blouse and black skirt. I will not deny that my heart did skip a few beats. The first few exchange of words before we took the show on the road.

I invited her to my abode.( Which sounded like a bad idea at the time, but despite that, she was okay.) We just talked, as if we've never left that train coach two weeks ago. The laughs we laughed, the stories we shared, the discoveries we made from each other. I'd trade nothing else for the world . Though, that would change quite quickly. The distance between us got smaller, bit by bit ,as we were watching one of her recommended shows. I couldn't stop myself from looking at her . I could say the same for her. Then I closed the distance. She kindly obliged . Oh how I wish I could forget how her lips tasted like. How good they felt on mine. One thing led to another......

Curtains fall. The sky is burning.

We bade each other goodbye. But later on,I felt nothing more than regret and sadness. For hours on end, I couldn't help but feel like I shouldn't have done what I did. No......not that. It's who I did it to . That look of disappointment I saw for a split second. In a rush to leave, she forgot her handkerchief. I tried to text her about it, but all she did was be what forests are at night; quiet. Later on in the night, I tried reaching her again, but all I got in response was two blue checkmarks.

Why was I not surprised? I don't know.

But it's not that is what irks me. It's the memories. The one thing I so desperately wish they'd stop haunting me. Every contour of her body, her dreamy eyes, her hand on mine. I couldn't make them stop.

It's been a while since that day. I didn't reach out again. She didn't bother to try. And I'd let it remain so, because I am not okay. It seems like I've been cursed by her.

And whatever she hexed me with , ain't going to go away.

"you never forget your first......"

How I wish this wasn't true.

Now all I want is to wish I'd never met you in that train ride. That I'd sit with anybody else and keep my mouth shut like I always do.

That is not I feel for her , it simply what I wish upon myself . And look what type of price I'm paying.......

From strangers to strangers yet again.

Only difference is the memories......

......*sigh*memories that will never leave me, not matter how hard I try or how much time has passed. Memories that I can't repress or turn off cause they are so vivid.So real, painful.

Is this how torment feels?

Pain. All I know is pain.