Blue Unveiled | Hyunlix

Spring Without You

First Love/Late Spring - Mitski
Leaving Tonight - The Neighborhood

Spring

I remembered being hurt, when I was looking at you hurt.

I couldn't take my eyes off of you. The girl who dozed off during classes, always looking like she hasn't slept. You would slowly approach your desk, dropping your bag on the floor, putting your head on the cold surface as soon as you would sit on the chair. You would drift off, while teacher was explaining important topics for the exam.

You slept so peacefully that one wouldn't think there was a worry in your mind, but later I found out that there was always something bothering you. Always some noises going through your mind, which just wouldn't shut up. You told me that in Spring, when I first tried to talk to you.

I was trying to cover sunlight with my fingers, so it wouldn't wake you up, but some student laughed and you opened your eyes. I took my hand out of your face in a hurry, pretending I wasn't looking at you.

"Do you ever think that this many voices in one's mind aren't normal?" Your voice, a haunting melody, carried the weight of a thousand unheard confessions. And thus, in the fragrant air of spring, our journey began.

We would talk during breaks in school, you would sleep on lessons and even though I never took notes, because I could remember the topics without it, I started doing it for you. So you could borrow it and catch up on missed topics.

I wouldn't admit it, but I fell in love with the idea of you. The concept of me trying to make you feel better, when you were suffering this much. I looked forward to seeing you in classes, since you would miss it often. I looked forward to the warm feeling spreading in my bones, whenever you would walk into classroom looking as tired as always. Slowly realizing that I have fallen in love with a girl, who I tried to help..

Summer

You got a boyfriend, but still that and summer break didn't stop us from getting closer. We would meet up every day during summer, spend the night in a skating park, just reading books, talking about our future.

We planned to open publishing office, since we both enjoyed reading and criticizing it. You said: "I want to read someone's story who has never written anything before, and make their dream of becoming a writer come true."

No matter how much you were going through you always thought of others. I knew your life was a mess, I knew I would do anything to help, but I never asked what was on your mind. Never questioned what those voices inside your brain were saying. I just let it be and waited for you to start talking about them. But you never did.

Fall

The leaves started to fall, and with them, our connection seemed to change. You were more distant, caught up in your own world. The warmth that once filled our moments faded like the autumn colors. I sensed a shift, but I couldn't grasp the magnitude of the storm that brewed within you.

One day, as we sat under the tree where we used to share our dreams, you looked at me with eyes heavy with unspoken pain. "Hyunjin, I need you to understand," you began, and in that moment, the autumn breeze carried a sense of impending loss. "It's not that I don't want to share, it's just hard to put into words."

You revealed the chaos within your mind, the constant battle with those voices. The burden you carried became tangible, and I felt helpless, unable to provide the solace you desperately needed. The weight of your struggles bore down on us, transforming the season of change into a darker days.

Winter

Winter arrived, and the cold seemed to seep into our once-warm connection. Your laughter, once a melody, turned into a haunting echo. The publishing office dream felt distant, buried beneath the layers of snow.

I wanted to be your anchor, but you were slipping away. Your boyfriend became your lifeline, a source of solace I couldn't offer. I watched as you leaned on him, wondering if I had failed you in some way. The silence between us grew louder than the unspoken words that lingered in the frosty air.

Spring Again

As spring returned, I found myself reflecting on the cycle of our relationship. The blooming flowers outside mirrored the growth and withering of what we once had. I couldn't fathom the depths of your struggles, and our paths diverged.

Then came the news—the news I never wanted to hear. The girl who drifted into dreams in class, the one who dreamed of helping aspiring writers, had collapsed to the weight of her own thoughts. The voices had proven too relentless, the battle too fierce.

Spring, a season of renewal, brought with it a painful revelation. I mourned the loss of a friend, and someone I once loved from a distance. Your absence echoed louder than the loudness of voices you once described.

In writing 'Spring Without You,' I struggled with the complexities of our shared moments. The seasons changed, as did we, but the imprint of your struggles remained in my memories. The book became a testament to the fragility of the human spirit and the enduring impact of internal battles.

As the pages turned, I hoped to preserve the essence of your dreams—the dreams we once envisioned together under the warmth of a summer sun. In sharing your story, I aimed to immortalize the girl who believed in the power of words, even as she wrestled with the silent demons within.

This book is not just about loss, it's about the enduring spirit of a friend who touched my life, leaving behind a void that even the blossoming spring flowers couldn't fill. It's an poem to a season that brought us together and a farewell to the girl who drifted away with the whispering winds of spring.