Secrets and Lies

A Tumultuous Voyage

          With Christine refusing to speak with him, let alone be in the same vicinity as him, James had spiraled. When he wasn't drinking in an abandoned part of the ship, he was in an abandoned part of the ship buried deep in Audrey. Every effort he could expend to not focus on past failures that were available to him was used, yet it still wasn't enough. San was growing annoyed at his behavior, Mason was concerned, and the others? Well, fuck the others, he thought, lifting Audrey against an empty hallway wall as she giggled. I don't give a shit about any of them... They don't give a shit about me.

   Only the others did care, just in different ways. Montgomery and Andrew, both knowing the grittier details of what had transpired that first evening at sea, tried to care for both of them while respecting Christine's request for separation. They attempted to keep him away from Audrey, offering conversation, chess games, and even a drink now and again; something they wouldn't have had they known about his drinking problem. Helga and Joshua, while not as in the know, saw the way Christine had reacted to the minor affair between James and Helga's student. Hoping to calm tensions, the two tried their hardest to keep Audrey busy, yet it seemed the twenty-one-year-old had found her latest conquest and was refusing to be steered away. As for Mason and San, one put more pressure on James by reminding him of everything at stake while the other went to Christine.

    To say she had expected to have another of James' exes come to her with concern for her wellbeing would have been a lie. In truth, the experience had been eye-opening, more so when Mason had reluctantly told her that the reason he seemed to have taken what felt like a destructive route was because he really did still love her.

    "His actions tell a different story," Christine had muttered to Mason as they'd sat across from one another on their beds in the berth.

    "Two days ago, he had no idea that you really had written him," Mason offered gently. "He always thought you just... gave up on him."

    Christine sighed. That had always been one of his greatest fears, more so having grown up without his father. His mother had been a combination of overprotective, yet oddly demanding in how she had raised him. She had been the one to push him toward a military career despite how much he had enjoyed working with his hands, and he had a talent for it. Christine could remember the few times he had come over to her house to help out during the times her father was off on one of his sabbaticals and her mother had once again fallen into a bottle. He had helped her and her elder brothers to fix doors, leaking faucets, repair windows, cook, and so much more. It had been one of the many reasons why she had loved him so deeply, he wasn't just a boyfriend even back then, he had been her partner.

    That was what had hurt the most when he'd just left; she'd lost not just her partner romantically, but her partner in life. "We were friends since we were eight years old; I never gave up on him because I never could..."

    "Look," Mason sighed heavily, unsure if it was her place or not to try to comfort her. "I know Conrad... He's stubborn, especially when his pride is wounded. Finding out that you'd been writing him, that you didn't give up on him after all? That's not just a kick to the groin, it's... It's another assumed failing and Conrad hates-"

    "To fail. Yes, I know." She chewed at her cheek as she got up to pace, just needing to move.

    "Rumor has it that's a trait you two share."

    "There are several things he and I have in common," Christine muttered; "That was why we worked so well."

    "Yeah. I think that's why we didn't," Mason chuckled softly. "Neither of us was ever endgame material, you know? There was no real longevity there."

    "I disagree. I think you could have worked out beautifully."

    Mason chuckled. "No... Mutual respect and trauma bonding only get you so far. Don't get me wrong, I'd still take a bullet for him, just maybe not a fatal one anymore."

    The environmental scientist smiled softly and nodded. She had fully expected to hate the photographer, yet she had to admit it was rather hard to do. "He's very lucky to have you in his life, even if he doesn't realize it."

    The two women smiled gently at one another. There was a sense of kinship in the air, an unspoken understanding of how alienating it was to be a driven woman in a man's world and the damage that could come from loving one of those men. Neither envied the other, yet perhaps the most endearing aspect that hung in the air was the understanding that there was no need to.

    "I think he realizes it," Mason sighed, breaking the silence after a few additional minutes; "He's just afraid to let people in. I think San, Houston, and I were the last ones; kind of sad when you think about it," she chuckled.

    "Why? You all seem decent individuals."

    "No, no we're not."

    Christine watched as Mason continued to shake her head and softly laugh. She had several questions but wasn't sure she wanted them answered. "I'll take your word on that."

    Smirking, Mason shrugged softly. "We're all a different type of asshole, which is probably why Conrad fits in so well with us; he sort of rounds us out, you know?" A shake of her head was the only answer Mason received. "Guess it's more of an inside joke..."

    "I think it's more that I don't know you or San all that well. At least not outside of your files."

    "Well, I'm pretty open..."

    "I'm not," Christine admitted. "I'm not at all. It would feel unfair for me to ask questions of you that I wasn't willing to answer myself."

    "So, we start small. What's your favorite color?"

    "See, you've already crossed the line," she teased.

    Laughing, Mason nodded. Christine wasn't as awful as she had feared. "I see you're an asshole too."

    "Guilty as charged."

    "I sort of figured, you just hide it better than Conrad."

    "I've always hidden things better," she sighed cryptically.

    Eyeing her for a moment, Mason leaned forward from where she was seated on her bed to get a better look at Christine's face. There was a forlorn expression lingering in the depths of her eyes, one that if you blinked, you'd miss. "Like what; the letters? Cause those don't seem like that big of a deal..."