Serenity to Souls

Second thoughts

The day had nearly arrived. 

Sitting on my bed, I wearily looked at my packed luggage, scattered carelessly on the floor. I then shifted my gaze to the night sky. The blazing dots shone with a peculiar light I wasn't familiar with. Then again, I never really looked at the stars these days. However, something about tonight was queer. 

Maybe because I had hope. 

Maybe because I had anticipation. 

Maybe because I had friends. 

...

Blinking twice, I cautiously contemplated what had just crossed my mind. I had thought of the word. That word I had forbidden myself to dream of. That word I had devotedly despised. That word...

It was their fault. They left me. They left me when I needed them most. They left me when they knew I couldn't live without them.

So...why was I going to accept their invitation for a get-together?

I slapped myself. 

"What are you doing, Danielle?" I spoke to myself. "They obviously left you. They're only calling you to join them so they can break you again. Why are you giving in to this foolishness? Call Lilian this instant and decline her ridiculous invitation!"

Neglecting all the effort I'd put into arranging my bags, I picked up my phone and dialed Lilian's number. I didn't want to fall for her trap. Not again.

After a few seconds, Lilian was on the line.

"Hi Danielle!" she greeted, vibrantly.

Suddenly, my mind went blank. All the negativities fled from my interior. Instead, a feeling of offensive warmth and joy attacked me.

I already called her. What am I going to say now?

"Danielle?" she started, "Do you have a question about our plans? You can ask me right now! After all, tomorrow is the day!"

Sensing a way out of my dilemma, I just played along.

"Y-Yeah, I just wanted to know what was the boarding time of our plane..." I lied. I blinked. I had never stammered before, even while making a public speech.

For the next few minutes, Lilian lectured me on how I should pay more attention when we were discussing important plans. However, not one bit of annoyance ate at me. I absorbed my scolding with a foreign sense of friendly satisfaction.

How does she do this to me?

She ultimately ended the call. I sighed, confused at my mixed personality. Never once had I felt an intense dilemma just for talking with someone.

I gave up. 

I knew...

...one part of me never let go of my friends.

After an hour of internal debating with my mind, I silenced all my feelings. It was 2:30 in the morning. It was already too late to be going through such over-whelming emotions. After getting changed, I wearily walked over to my bed, giving in to the delicious sensation of sleep.

...

I never expected myself to wake up so early.

As I sat up, I slipped my fingers upon the alarm clock, disarming the irritating noise it would make hours later.

Hah, I won against you today, you loud freak!

After I brushed my teeth, I immediately went to go write another book. Time didn't matter, since the plane only took off in the evening. Plus, I had a lot to write.