A Crack in the Ice

Chapter 18: Cold Catch

Parker

"Where the hell did you go last night?" Ashley demands as she shakes me awake. "I was so worried about you; you didn't answer your phone!"

"Well, I'm here now, and I'm fine." I rub my eyes and sit up to grab the glass of water sitting on my nightstand. Reece and I stayed out until almost four in the morning. I don't know when exactly I fell asleep, but I remember waking up in the back of his car with his hoodie tangled in my arms at which point I suggested we go home.

"Parker, this isn't funny." she scolds.

I take a sip of my water in an attempt to de-fog my brain.

"Where did you go last night?" she repeats sternly. "Were you with Reece? What were you two doing?"

I lower the glass slowly as I stare at nothing in particular. "Whatever we wanted." I set the glass back down on the nightstand and scoop up my phone.

From me: Ashley's pissed.

Reece responds back almost immediately as she continues laying into me:

From Hockey Asshole: Haven't spoken to Chris today. Want a ride to class?

I decide to decline his offer. Yeah, I had a lot of fun last night, and yeah, I smiled so much that my cheeks are sore which is more than I have in a really long time, but that's just it.

I lied to Reece last night when he asked me what my least favorite part of the night was. I mean, I couldn't exactly tell him it was when we pulled up to the abandoned mall and my mind was flooded with the memory of my dead boyfriend– ex now, I guess. Oh yeah, did I mention Connor killed himself?

It had taken me a while to get used to his teetering mental state, but when I finally did, I thought that maybe I could help balance him out. I was stupid for thinking that. His dad was abusive, and his mom sat back and watched as his life was ripped apart over and again. And for eighteen years none of his friends could ever convince him to let loose and break the rules, so when I finally managed to twist his arm and actually convince him to do something fun, I thought... I don't know, I guess I thought I could help him, but Connor was broken long before I met him. Some things just don't change.

Right now, spending too much time with Reece feels like I'm cheating on him or something. I know he's gone, but I can't help but feel guilty.

When I look back up at Ashley, my eyes burn with emotion. I want to tell her all of this, get it off my chest, but it hasn't felt right between us in weeks. And clearly, I can't tell Kayce about any of it. No matter how hard I stress it, he doesn't seem to understand that I was in love with him. It's ironic, too, because out of everyone, he should know what that's like. He's got a fucking fiance for crying out loud.

Before I know it I'm ugly crying in Ashley's arms as she strokes my back to try and calm me. She doesn't ask what's wrong, doesn't say anything more than "It's okay", and I know she's only trying to help, but the truth is I don't know if it is okay.

When my body stops shuddering and the tears slow, she grabs some tissues and wipes my face. "Don't go to class today." is all she says as her blue eyes pool with concern. "I can skip English, and we can stay here and watch Crazy Stupid Love, or any of the movies on your top-ten list."

I sniff and wipe my nose with the back of my hand, mustering a smile. "Okay."

She smiles back at me and pulls me into another hug, and I suddenly feel even guiltier for hanging out with Val so much, and for Reece and I's stupid plan, even if Ash didn't feel the effect of my malice towards her these past few weeks.