I don't know how much longer I can keep it together without bursting-no, obliterating at the seams like a gray-haired star. Sometimes I clench my jaw so hard to save face when he laughs that it feels like it's wired shut, deep and silent exhales barely feel like enough to suppress a blush. Today I woke up. And that wake-up hit me harder than a black out hangover. Or an 85 mph car crash. Because I woke up. I swear on Jesus Christ it finally happened. So lucid I felt his hot mouth around mine, thumb on my cheekbone, hand in my pants. And the jinx of it all was that it was 11:30. I had to be in that goddamned stuffy as hell inches from each other- practice room in an hour.
xxx
I kicked up my left leg against the brick wall of the outside of the studio, lighting up a cig and huffing out the excess smoke. I needed to clear my head, or maybe fucking repent for the fucking flood of thoughts I couldn't help but follow like a compass navigating desert sands to finally dig up that long foresaken treasure. Maybe pirates have a penchant for gold as I do for leather and the homoerotic. Same thing right?
It was about time I head back in, I thought. The rest of the guys really wanna touch up this new approach to Give Em Hell.
So there I stood, fingers mindlessly dancing around my Les Paul when Ray's time came with that nasty bend that seemed to suspend the entire room in the air for eternal seconds. And that motherfucker turned around and more or less spoke that "you're beautiful" to....me? No. No. Me?
Fuck I'm dying I'm really dying this time. That was new.
xxx
"Frankie," the words were so soft they almost failed to pull me from my train wreck of a brain, chugging helplessly off the rails at that 5 second encounter. I puffed my third cancer stick of the afternoon absently, feeling light headed at the buzz of it. And fuck why can't he talk to me like that all the time? Gerard licked his lips, looking at me fucking up and down. "Mind if I bum one? I left my pack in the parking garage." No he didn't. They're on the side table in the lobby. Huh.
"Hey..." he said, voice level with a kind of (until now) nonexistent tenderness that made my heart nearly escape Alcatraz and my head feel dangerously fuzzy. Don't think, Frank. Don't think.
This time there was nowhere for my smile to run to. "Hey." I said, evidently dumbstruck and grinning a little too wide. He placed a burning hand on my face, caressing it as I hummed and chased his touch. "Look at me." For fear of catastrophic embarrassment I hesitated. Then I looked up. He was smiling down at me, emotion passing over his hazel eyes. There is no motherfucking way on gods green goddamn earth that this is real.
"Cause I mean this more than words could ever say." He laughed, interlocking our hands, pressing me further against the wall. "I love you Frankie, y'know that?" My head was spinning, trying to compute the amount of utter reverence pumping through my veins.
And he kissed me, soothing that 5 year long headache. I don't want to say it was magical, but I am only one man. Our mouths moved in harmony, tongues lulling perfectly and hands roaming. "I love you so much," I broke away to say. Apparently somewhere along the line my dick got the memo, and I shifted my hips away to spare myself absolute humiliation. Gerard unfortunately just laughed knowingly as I blushed and hid my face in his shoulder. Oh god.
"C'mon, let's go wrap it up. You're always welcome to come home with me, you know, sugar."
xxx
The amount of time it took between rehearsal and getting in his car was agonizing. I was painfully hard beneath my electric for the entirety of it, unable to block out countless scenarios awaiting like fate. My mind kept drifting unwelcome to seeing Gerard pin me down and do whatever he pleased with me. I bucked my hips up into nothing and screamed out my lines into the microphone as the words failed to distract me. Gerard glanced over and smirked, licking his lips and Jesus Christ I wanted everything all at once to hit me like a tsunami and who cares if I end up dying on impact. I'd die the happiest motherfucker on this planet.
