Two days later
Suna had just exited her father's hospital room after bidding farewell to her family.
In truth, she wanted to stay with her dad a bit longer and to hug her mom one more time, to stay immersed in that warm atmosphere a tad longer where the air wasn't that suffocating anymore, where she smiled with ease.
She didn't have to be in complete control in her actions, words, what she felt and who she was this time around in her father's presence.
As she was walking with Kaya in the hospital hallways she allowed herself to indulge in some wishful thinking maybe dad will change his ways and keep his promises.
Maybe it will always stay like this, like we were this portrait of a happy united family. She cracked a little smile, full of optimism and faith.
Maybe he will.
This newfound hopefulness didn't prevent her from staring the plain irony right in the face fresh air in a hospital, the same thing that was out of her reach in the Korhan mansion or back home in Antep.
She let out a bitter chuckle as she concluded human nature is truly fascinating.
She recalled all the times she clung to her chest desperately needing air to pass through her lungs.
She's aware that those days are not that far behind her yet she had faith that at least her dad wouldn't be the cause anymore.
Kaya had been quietly observing each and every movement of his wife, trying to discern her mood.
This was no foreign concept to him. He had developed this habit of his at the mere age of seven, even when all seemed well, even when his mom had seemed to return to her good side, he was still anticipating and calculating the exact moment it would be over.
Perhaps being prepared for it, for that switch made it less agonizing for him.
He could tell Suna was deep in thought, she must be feeling a whirlwind of emotions, I mean how would you feel when your father, who has deeply hurt you, had almost died.
Could you really let those feelings of resentment overwhelm the innate love and fondness you have for your parent, despite every transgression they committed again you?
The more thought he put into it, the more he related to her. He wasn't unfamiliar with those conflicted emotions and that made it all the more heartbreaking witnessing her go through all of this.
He put his hand on the small of her back when they reached the exit, guiding her to the car that was waiting for them.
He opened her door with one hand and placed the other at the top of it instinctively she is really not paying attention, what if she injuries her head.
As Suna was waiting for her husband to seat himself besides her, her small headache was getting sharper and sharper with all those never-ending anxious thoughts.
Even after last night's rest and this morning, the turmoil of going through numerous emotions had taken a toll on her. She reached out for water to ease the pain bit.
"Whats wrong, suna? Do you feel a bit unwell? Is it your head?" He asked with a concerned voice.
"Yeah, it hurts a bit"
"I expected as much after last night" he reached out to take something out of her handbag, and opened a medicine bottle and handed her it "here you go, this should make you feel better"
"Alright Kaya, thank you" her head hurt too much to say more, she immediately took it.
Only ten minutes had passed, but she already felt better. Maybe it's the mental relief of taking the medicine or his hand on mine, I don't know. She sure was full of uncertainty today.
She inhaled a big breath and exhaled attempting to relax and to put an end to all the overthinking.
Just at the moment she felt Kaya's hand squeeze hers, she turned to look at him to find compassionate eyes gazing back at her,
followed by his words "everything will be fine, Suna. We will get through this", he has once again managed to ease her mind and for that she was thankful.
It wasn't the only thing she was grateful for, she realized, all those moments he had stood by her side, offering her support ,kindness and encouragements.
Suna had lost count of how many time he had calmed her down. Her gratitude overcame any feelings of embarrassment at how exposed and vulnerable she suddenly felt.
How did he manage to do it? To make her feel worthy like she wasn't some sort of burden that weights you down. She couldn't tell if her eyes and face were giving away what was in her heart.
"Sağ ol, Kaya. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart. For today, for last night and all the times before" she spoke trying her best to convey her sincerity and appreciation.
Touched by this, the most genuine of smiles emerged from Kaya. He adjusted himself to face Suna and almost impulsively he began stroking her right cheek with his thumb
"of course Suna, that's what spouses are there for. All of this will pass and we will be alright. I will do everything in my power to ensure it, you can be sure of that"
Suna took notice of how his eyes followed suit on his words and shifted from a soft reassuring look to a determined one full of promises.
Her anxious heartbeats were getting steadier by the second, the voices around them quieted down and time seemed to have slowed down.
Her focus was on him and only him. She was admiring his face now he's one handsome man, thats for certain and oh, those eyes, that had looked at her enticingly a dozen times, were a beautiful shade of hazel and even contained specks of green in them. How did she not spot that before.
She returned his favor and began caressing his left check with the back of her fingers and inched closer to place a peck on his right cheek, on the nearest spot to his eye.
"iyi ki varsın, Kaya" she whispered, dangerously close to his ear, sending shivers down his spine. "Iyi ki benim yanımdasın" she trailed off.
Her pleasant words put him in high spirits, Suna's shy smile when Kazim had teased them came to his mind and he found himself beaming, he pulled her into a hug.
She smells so good and feels so right in my arms, he shook those thoughts off and decided against acting on his desire this is not a proper timing. That would be selfish of me.
Instead he tightened his grip on her, kissed the top of her head and he hushed "sen iyi ki varsın, Suna, güzelim".
So this is what peacefulness must feels like, thought suna to herself while Kaya was embracing and containing her in his arms.
He gave her a sense of security and comfort.
He is her anchor.
.
.
.
.
.
I wrote this while thinking of those lyrics :
Most nights, I am restless and quiet won't come
So I lay there and wait for the sun
There's a trouble that won't show its face
You came out of nowhere
And you cut through all the noise
I make sense to the madness
When I listen to your voice
Darling, only you can ease my mind
Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind
When they pull me under,
And I can feel my sanity start to unwind
Darling, only you can ease my mind
I'll admit, for a moment I felt so afraid
Just to show you the mess that I made
There are pieces I usually hide
But when you collect me with your steady hand
With a language that I understand
I feel put back together inside
I feel like this describes Suna :)
