[The squad on drugs part 1]

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B3 Pico: Hey Neo Pico, can I get some icecream?
Neo Pico: Only a spoonful!
B3 Pico: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.*


Shaya: Let me copy your homework.
Grace: I was gonna copy yours.
Shaya: Well, shit.
Grace: Guess I'm not doing it.


Neo: Ha! What are you gonna do? Stab me?
*Five minutes later*
Neo, calling 911: HELP, IVE BEEN STABBED.


B3: Forgive me Father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned.


Neo: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?
B3: The final boss.
Shaya: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?
Neo: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!


B3: Wait you like me? For my personality?
Neo: I know, I was surprised too.


Neo: There's no "I" in team, but there is one in pizza.
B3: So, you're not going to share?
Neo: I'm not going to share.


Shaya: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Neo GF: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
B3 Pico: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Grace: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.


Ben: What do you call disobeying the law?
The Squad: A hobby.
Ben: *crosses their arms and pouts*
The Squad: That we do not engage in.


Neo: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.


B3: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Neo Pico's birthday invitations.
Neo GF: Well, what are they supposed to say?
B3: "Neo Pico's birthday".
Neo GF: So, what do they say instead?
B3: "Neo Pico's bi".
Neo GF:
Neo GF: Works out either way.


B3 Pico: Why are you drinking, Grace?
Grace: I don't drink anymore, so don't start with that.
B3 Pico, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Grace: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
B3 Pico: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!


Neo Pico: Hey, B3?
B3, playing a video game with the squad: What?
Neo Pico: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
B3: Wh- what is it, Neo Pico?
Neo Pico: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
B3: Mhm.
Neo Pico: Because I have to go out of town for a weekend this month. And, so I was like- I won't give specific dates, but I was like, do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend?
B3: Yeah?
Neo Pico: Your response.
B3: *trying not to crack up*
Neo Pico: At 9:30 in the morning.
Neo Pico: "motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus Christ motherfucking Facebook movie jesus can you believe this shit"
B3: *laughing*
Neo Pico: No- no- no punctuation. Random capitalization.
B3: You just made me dieeee...
Neo Pico: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
Neo Pico: 45 minutes pass. I get a text from you.
Neo Pico: "goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse eisenberg man"
B3: *wheezing with laughter*
Neo Pico: I respond "B3, you're scaring me." An hour passes-
Neo Pico: You respond, "motherfucking spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking built shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit jesse eisenberg"
Neo Pico: "im very tired"
B3: *struggling to breathe*
Neo Pico: And- and I'm just like, "No- no worries, B3, I'll- I'll do most of the talking at the hangout today-"
Neo Pico: IMMEDIATE, like, response, like I'm talking 5 seconds later,
Neo Pico: "no man ill just talk all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented Facebook All I can think is who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook"
Neo Pico: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,
B3: *falling over with laughter*
Neo Pico: "MARK ZUCKERBERG."


B3: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.


B3: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Neo: How?
B3: I need someone to take the fall.
Neo: What did you do?
B3: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Shaya, from the other room: Oh my god.
B3: ...
Shaya: OH MY GOD!
Neo: Make it a hundred.
B3: Deal.


Ben, pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Neo GF: Gray.
Toughie: Grey.
Ben, turning to Neo: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Neo: Dark white.


B3 Pico: My head hurts.
B3: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.


♡♡♡

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