Remus Lupin Comfort 🤎

help

tw ‼️ self harm, panic attack

y/n woke up in a cold sweat one night after having a nightmare. she could feel her heart pounding against her ribs like it was trying to escape her body. she grappled beside her for her wand, and whispered "lumos", casting a warm glow around her room.

it was just a dream, y/n reminded herself sternly, but that couldn't stop the wave of panic mounting in her chest. the urge came suddenly, like a siren song. cut.

y/n had been clean for just over two weeks now. but every day was a struggle. she ate three meals a day (with professor lupin's support), attended class, and practiced quidditch. it was exhausting, but the structure kept her from falling off the deep end.

y/n put her head between her knees. gasping for air as the lightheaded feeling took over. breathe.

all she could see when she closed her eyes was the blade. the blade and blood and herself, an unholy trinity. drawn together by a forbidden gravity in her mind.

a few months ago, y/n wouldn't even think. she would just act. but this was now, and professor lupin reminded her constantly what to do in this situation.

"just let me know," his voice echoed in her head, "i won't be mad, or disappointed. i want to help you."

it felt like a trap. y/n forced herself to stand; the world swayed for a second, then stabilized into a coherent form. for a moment she hesitated, but then she was walking, and before she knew it she rapped three quick times on professor lupin's chamber door.

the sound of her heartbeat seemed to echo off the walls as she stood there. five long seconds stretched by.

and then he opened the door.

"y/n?" he was dressed in a wool jumper and plaid pajama pants. the long scar across his face nearly glowed in the wand light. clearly he had just woken up. y/n very much regretted her decision, but it was too late. "what's wrong?"

"i almost- i wanted to-" she didn't want to say it. the truth was too ugly for words. i want to cut my skin open. she started to cry.

lupin understood. he always did, somehow.

"hey hey hey, it's ok. you're ok. i'm here. let's go sit down and i'll make you a cup of tea and we'll talk it out." he wrapped his arm around her shoulder protectively and guided y/n to the living area, with a mini kitchenette attached to it.

y/n sat on the sofa, knees tucked to her chest and tear tracks down her face. unconsciously, she started scratching at the almost healed scabs on her arms.

lupin came back in with two mugs of steaming hot tea.

"y/n." his eyes dropped to her hands. she stopped scratching.

"sorry..."

he handed her a mug. "drink up. it's chamomile: it will make you feel better."

she sipped obediently. it was good and strong, with a splash of milk, just how she liked it.

remus sat down on the couch next to her. "thank you so much for coming to me for help. i know how hard it is for you to do that." he hugged her and she sunk into his chest. he smelled like cinnamon. and he felt like home.