If Only

18. Malachi

I held on to Emily's hand tightly, pulling her with me through the eyes. The rumor mill is going to have fun with that one. I don't do this. I don't act this way.

"Malachi?" She asks gently. I suppose to make sure my anger won't be targeted at her, I need to calm down, the threat of a challenge has my leopard snarling inside my mind. Wanting nothing more than to put them down and keep them there.

Calling me tamed, why because I refuse to push my mate into something she isn't ready for. Does that make me tamed? From the old me, yeah. Old me would have given into every impulse to mark her, kiss her, thrown her against a wall and pinned her body with mine, bury myself in her, cover her in my scent, rolled in her soft strawberry blonde hair tangled with my fingers holding her to me. While we played in my bed, pressed against the cold glass of my shower, papers flew off my desk as I gave into the need pouring out of every single bit of me.

Yeah, compared to that, maybe she did tame me.

"Emily?" My voice is deep and out of control.
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Are you ok?" She asks, pulling her hand out of mine as we enter my house again, the cool air kissing our skin, cooling the temper inside me.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I grumble, fucking women, but I knew better. I knew better than to get involved with Scarlett when all I could think about that week was Emily. I knew better, but she knew what it was, or I thought she did. "Are you?" My fingers cup her jaw, my thumb trailing over her cheekbone.

"Yeah." Emily whispers back at me, "I need to know." She looks up at me.
"To know what?" I don't want to taint her with my past; the ghosts I didn't even know were lurking in the dark.
"I need to know, Malachi. If you are or aren't. I need to know. I'm scared. I'm so scared, but I need to know." It takes a minute to catch what she means.
"Oh." She wasn't talking about Darcy or Scarlett, but us and how she reacted to them touching me. "You need to know?"

She nods shyly at me, shifting on her feet. Her eyes watching my people move around us, unaware of the energy building between us, refusing to meet my eyes with hers, as if she didn't look up at me she could ignore the tension, and the craving in my eyes for her touch.
"Okay. Come here."

My name comes out in a whisper, as if not to break the bubble we found ourselves in. As if I would give into her here, a public hallway with eyes lingering on the snow leopard hiding out in the forest. "No, silly. Come here." I hold my hand out to her, as she takes it, I pull her into me, her hands resting on my chest. "Trust me?" My words are hushed.

"Yes." She gasps as I lift her into my arms, holding her tight against me, forcing her legs to wrap around my waist. "Malachi!"
"Shh, baby. I got you." I answer her as I take us to our room.
"What-" Her fingers play with the back of my hair, running up and down.
"Emily." I pause outside our door, knowing what will happen if I give into the fire building in my blood for her, the craving for her kiss, for her touch. "Yes or no." She searches my eyes, her legs tight around my waist.

"Yes." She says with a gasp as I lift her higher, using one arm to hold her up and throwing open the door with the other.

Emily wiggles her way out of my arms and starts pacing our room, her fingers playing with her lip as she walks back and forth in front of me as I lock my door.
"Emily."
"What?" Her words shake, showing the fear behind them.
"We don't have to do this." I cross my arms over my chest. I refuse to let her see the regret in my eyes or the longing in my body for her.
"No. Malachi, I need to know. Either way, if you are or not. I need to know. I'm scared. What if I'm not? What if you kiss me and I'm nothing to you. Malachi, I can't lose this." She finally stops pacing as she gestures to the space between us.
"You will never be nothing to me. I know you're scared, but you and I are forever, babe. I know it. Let me. You can say no at any point." I keep my hands to myself, digging into the gray muscle shirt, the need for us burning into me, like a living, breathing entity waiting for the moment it can burn us together.
"I can?"
"Yes, baby." I smile at her.
"You won't be upset?"
"No. I won't be. I told you, we are on your timeline." I take a step toward her, and she holds her ground. "Give me a yes or a no. I'll handle the rest; tell me yes or no." I take another step toward her. Her eyes meet mine, fear, determination, excitement, and curiosity blending as she searches mine.

"Yes." She breathes as I lift her, quickly into my arms, my fingers holding tight to her ass, her legs to wrap around my waist.
"That's better. You're short." I push her body tight against the wall, putting one of my arms underneath her, freeing up the other one to trace her collarbone
"I'm not that short."
"Hm, a little bit."
"Malachi."
"Hm," My nose runs up her neck. She leans her head back, opening up to me. My tongue runs over the crook of her neck.
"Malachi!" Hmm, I'm drunk, drunk on the way she breathes my name out.
"Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
"Playing. Teasing, getting my fill of you before I kiss you." My canines nip at her ear, her hips wiggle against mine.
"Why?" She moans, her fingers digging into my shoulders, her legs tight around my waist.
"Because you said I could"
"I said you could kiss me." She gasps. My fingers trail down her chest, lightly touching the tops of her breasts as she arches her back into me.

"Malachi, please." She growls, tightening her hold on me, her fingers tangling in my hair, tugging on it, trying to make me give her what we both want. She is a breath away, our lips a mere touch away. My eyes drift to her lips, full, lush, red lips that beg me to claim them. Her eyes close, her breathing quickens, and a growl leaves my lips as I kiss her. She freezes underneath me, and I don't know if it's because she doesn't know what to do, if she is so scared that she isn't mine, or if the nightmare is lingering between us. My lips start to move, begging her to kiss me back and respond to me. My teeth nip at her bottom lip,
"Emily. Kiss me." I kiss her again, our lips molding together. I want more. I need to taste her. But I can't take what she isn't ready to give. She pulls away, turning her lips away from me.

"We aren't. I knew it."
"Emily, what are you talking about?"
"You're not my mate. I would have felt something, right?" I sigh and carry her over to our bed, laying her down on her back.
"What are you expecting here, Emily?"
"Don't laugh at me. I've never kissed anyone. I don't know- "
"I'm not. I'm just asking. Kiss me back, let go. Stop thinking. Take a breath and listen to what your leopard is telling you, what she wants. What you want."

"I don't know how. Malachi, I don't know, it is confusing." Her hand cups my cheek, running her thumb over my cheekbone, copying the motion I have done to comfort her.
"What's confusing?" I nuzzle her nose with mine, brushing my lips over hers,
"She wants you. I want you. You are mine." Emily's words growl lightly, "but I don't act like this. Snows do not act like this. So what am I supposed to do? What part of me do I listen to? The part that knows that you are my mate, that you would never-" She trails off, lost in a memory.

"I would never," I answered her back, knowing the pain she was falling into. She shakes her head underneath me, looking up at me with her wide green violet sprinkled eyes.
"Or the part that tells me that I can't touch you until we are married, or until.." She stops.
"Or until what, Emily?"
"Until I bear your mark on my shoulder." She whispers, avoiding my eyes.

Oh shit.