Manipulate My Heart [操纵我心] [GL]

Chapter 5

Inside the restaurant—

Shao Xinyan hadn't seen Zhuo Shixue for a long time. As she looked at the girl across from her, it struck her how beautiful she was now. Zhuo Shixue's beauty wasn't the striking, jaw-dropping kind, but rather the charming "girl-next-door" type. She was a kind-hearted girl— the type to quietly shed tears and never fight back if she was being bullied.

"I don't want to get married! My mom keeps calling me, trying to push me into it. I feel like my parents only see me as a machine to push out babies, like I'm worth nothing!"

Zhuo Shixue had mentioned before how her family was pressuring her to get married. Shao Xinyan was the only friend she had who knew she was a lesbian.

"All parents are like that. Just keep putting it off if you don't want to get married," Shao Xinyan sighed. She meant it; every family was like this. Her parents (thankfully) had never pressured her to get married. When she'd been accepted to the police academy, she had already told her parents that she wanted to dedicate her entire life to her career and serving her community. While her parents understood her decision, she couldn't help but think that their acceptance was due to the fact that her brother was already married and had a child. Maybe that was why her parents never had such high expectations for her.

Zhuo Shixue was different. She was an only child, and had to carry all these burdens on her own. No matter how hard she tried, Shao Xinyan couldn't truly empathise with her pain.

"I'd feel more confident if Xia Tong could just give me a bit of support..." Zhuo Shixue fiddled with her dress, a desolate expression on her face. "She changes the subject whenever I talk about anything serious. What's there to run away from? We'll have to face this eventually, unless she's never actually wanted to be with me..."

Zhuo Shixue looked even more upset after saying this.

"Xia Tong is young. She doesn't understand the pressure you're under. That's why her solution to everything is avoidance. Just give her a few more years."

"She might still be young, but I'll be turning thirty in a few years. I don't have enough time to wait for her!" Zhuo Shixue wiped her tears away. "I'm getting to the age where I no longer have the confidence to put myself out there again."

"Hey, don't cry. Why don't we eat first? The food's getting cold." Shao Xinyan gently comforted her.

The two ate in silence, each burdened with troubles of their own. Zhuo Shixue's brows were furrowed, while Shao Xinyan was visibly distressed by her ongoing case. Both women had too much going on in their lives. They sat in silence after finishing their meal, and Shao Xinyan offered to accompany Zhuo Shixue home, saying that they could walk off the calories on their way there. Zhuo Shixue hesitated for a minute before nodding, her eyes still teary.

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Zhuo Shixue was the type of person who needed a companion by her side at all times— she hated feeling lonely. As they ate, Zhuo Shixue could sense that Shao Xinyan's mind wasn't fully there. She had initially intended to go straight home, not wanting to trouble the other woman, but then Shao Xinyan had offered to walk her home. Zhuo Shixue couldn't help but burst into tears.

Zhuo Shixue's life was too painful right now to even think about. She felt like she was walking on knives, drawing blood with each step she took. She wished Xia Tong could support her as her girlfriend, but her lover had all but turned a blind eye to all the pressure she was under.

"Xia Tong is young. She doesn't understand the pressure you're under. That's why her solution to everything is avoidance. Just give her a few more years."