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Am I suicidal?
It feels and doesn't feel like that
Have I always been this way?
But the suppression suppressed it too?
Am I a lost case?
Did I really lose a lot for seeking validation and acceptance?
Did I really lose who I could have been by seeking acceptance and belongingness from my own father?
Who am I really?
I don't have any identity
I don't have any personality maybe?
I know a part of me is speaking
Telling me it's on the way
We would reach there
But would we?
Was I always like this?
I remember being stone to most sensitive things
What has changed now then?
I am not trapped but covered
Thoughts as a protective shell, but those are the thoughts that suppresses a side of me
Making me escape anxiety....but it's important isn't it?
Why?
Why is it important?
Why am I important?
I am not important am I?
It's just an illusion
If I was then why do I have to work so much to be accepted and validated by my own blood
Who cares about the others seriously
I'm trying so hard for just one person
One person
Am I traumatised?
Am I suicidal?
Am I a lost case?
Am I not worth it?
Am I not important?
Why does he give me black and white choices
If I'm not a certain way...then am I no one at all?

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