I Fell From The Dark

11

Her mouth was dry and her head ached. She was in a couch. The straps were on, but she was fairly sure that she could get out if she wanted. She looked up, groggy. Pilgrim was next to her. The robot's blank face was as unreadable as always.

'What the hell, Pilgrim? Did you sedate me?'

'I'm so sorry, Mia. I panicked. I didn't mean to. I mean, I did, but I regretted it straight away. I... Oh this isn't going the way I hoped it would. I'm so, so sorry.'

Her finger had a tiny blue plaster on it. She ripped it off. Underneath was the little cut, no longer weeping its pale fluid. She squeezed her finger, wincing, and the wound split again, and another drop of the same stuff ran out.

'What the hell is this, Pilgrim? What is actually going on?'

'It's fine...'

'Just tell me the damn truth. Tell me what I am.'

Pilgrim reached out for her finger.

'I need to clean you up...'

She snatched it away.

'Tell me.'

'I... Fine. I'll tell you. But please, let me clean and bind your cut. It's not safe. We're not allowed open wounds on a spaceship.'

'OK.'

She extended her hand and the robot took it, the soft plastic fingers curling around hers. It wiped the white blood away with a sponge, and then put a fresh plaster on. As it worked, it spoke.

'You're not fully human. Well, you are inside. But this body is synthetic. The pink blood is an artificial fluid for carrying nutrients and oxygen. It does the same job as blood, but tailored to your muscles and organs.'

'What?'

The robot took the old plaster from her, and put it into a compartment on its chest. Then it pointed downwards.

'Down there are a hundred and forty four frozen people. But they're not whole: they're just torsos and heads. It reduces the mass of the ship and so it reduces the amount of fuel we need. When I woke you up, I didn't actually get you out of deep freeze. But this body, which I grew in a vat, has a receiver in its skull. You're controlling it from where you lie. Your mind is wired into it. So this is you, in a very real sense: you just happen to have a normal human body as well.'

Pieces clicked into place in her mind.

'That's why I don't recognise myself in the camera, isn't it? I bet it's one of the reasons you don't have any mirrors here.'

'The mirror thing really is because we're worried about you hurting yourself. But, yes. Some parts of you are a tiny bit paler because of the pink blood substitute. There are other changes, too.'

'I'm younger, aren't I? Stronger. Fitter.'

'No...? You were in excellent shape when you set off.'

She paused, remembering the reflection in the shop window, how right that vision had felt. How that was her.

'No, you're still not telling me the truth. I dreamt of what I looked like. I... I'm not me. I'm too young,' she said.

Pilgrim reversed, and dropped the plaster into a chute. Then the robot turned and returned to the couch.

'This is very hard,' it said, pain in its voice. 'I wish this wasn't this way, that you'd had time to wake up properly... You're having dreams because of the game. This ship carries a simulator. It simulates a whole world, and that's what you experience while you sleep. We found that without the game, people can't cope. They are still conscious, and they go insane. So this helps. You can live endless happy lives in the game. I think you're remembering that, not your real life. Maybe you had some brother then, grew old. I don't know. I promise, I'm not lying.

'But I sedated your body because something terrible has happened. I need your help, and so I needed to kick-start your memories, and I needed you not to freak out, so I did that, in a rush. I'm sorry. I need you on the bridge as soon as possible, and able to work, or I don't know what I'll do.'

Mia was about to object, that she couldn't help; but thoughts were rushing into her head like torrent: so many things to do, to check, to examine. Whatever Pilgrim had done hadn't released personal memories, and she still had no more idea of who she was than before; but now she knew that she had a job to do, and how to do it.

'OK, then,' she said. 'Let's take a look at it.'