𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 || 𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐊𝐒𝐎𝐎

Chapter Thirty

Joshua found it harder to settle back into orchard life than when he'd first arrived. He guessed that was in part because he didn't have anything to distract him like that first time with Seokmin. In a way, he almost wished he had gone into heat, because that would have given him a whole new set of things to worry about instead of the same old problems. It was hard to believe it was over, that he could finally forget about the Kilborne family. If it wasn't for regular updates from the pack alliance, he wouldn't have believed anything had changed. But every few weeks, there was a phone call from someone and confirmation that the family was sticking to their end of the deal. Now and then, the pack alliance liked to send a little reminder, to make sure they didn't forget. They'd also set a few traps to try to catch them out, but it seemed the family had been steering clear of all things to do with Joshua. Without them to worry about, all that was left were his own demons, his own guilt. And he was finally ready to let go of that.

He and Seokmin sat by the stream, the sun warming them even as the water cooled the air around them.

"When I thought it was them who'd kidnapped me," he told Seokmin, "I wasn't just afraid, I was angry. So, so angry."

"Why?" the alpha asked.

There were a lot of good reasons for Joshua to be angry, but the thoughts that fueled his anger surprised even him.

"Because it wasn't my fault. I never asked for any of that. All I wanted from the family was a job. They gave me one, and I did it to the best of my ability. I didn't sign up to be stalked and harassed. I didn't deserve to be assaulted and forced into a car like that, made to fear for my life. And I had a right to defend myself, to save my life, and get myself free. If I hadn't crashed the car, I don't believe I'd have lived to see morning."

"You weren't to blame, he was. He forced your hand."

"Exactly. Do they think I wanted his death on my conscience? How is it fair for them to blame me, when if anyone is at fault, it's them? They raised their son like that, turned a blind eye to what he was doing. Then they're all up in arms when he dies as a result of his own actions. And suddenly I'm the one carrying all the blame. I'm the one they're hunting like an animal. Well, fuck that. And fuck them. That's why I was angry."

Seokmin put an arm around him. "Why you are angry. And you have every right to be."

"But it's done, right? So there's no reason to be angry anymore."

Even as he said it, he knew it wasn't that simple.

"My captivity is over and done with, and I'm still furious about all of it," Seokmin pointed out. "I'm not sure I'll ever not be angry. With the people who captured me, and then with the army for not helping me."

"If it helps, I'm angry about that too," Joshua confessed.

He was angry about a lot of things these days. Even his own biology, and even when it didn't make sense. He hadn't wanted a heat, so why was he angry that it hadn't come?

"Do you want to tell me what's really bothering you?"

Seokmin was good at that. He saw beneath the surface, knew when to ignore the bluster and dig a little deeper.

"It's stupid."

"Even if it is, so what? If it's bothering you, it matters."

"I didn't go into heat."

Seokmin nodded slowly. "So I noticed."

"Well, everyone else seemed sure I would."

"No one is right a hundred percent of the time."