As far as the Sky

Chapter Two

Now-Addison

"Creepin' " plays, waking me up. My first thought is "I should really change my ringtone", but then I remember it was Noah's favorite. I half-smile at this thought. Actually, he was the one changing my ringtone so for me it kind of makes sense to keep it as a last memory of him.

I get up and make my bed even if going to school is the last thing I want to do. Usually, I'm not the kind of person who hates going to school but I must admit since last week, all is different. And I know why, I know repeating the accident in my head twice an hour won't do any good to me, but I also know I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm stuck in a time loop and all I can do is rewatch all happening again, knowing the end before it begins and unable to change anything.

And this feeling eats me away, this feeling of being incapable, and useless.

Mom and dad, all days, say to me I can tell them anything, I can confess to them. What they don't understand is there's nothing to talk about. I can't describe what I'm feeling and talking about what makes me feel bad will only make things worse. But instead of telling them that, I answer "All's good".

Because it's hard enough to tell myself it's not, I can't also tell my parents I'm not okay. I don't want them to worry about me, I just wish I could live like every other teenager lives. Well, yes, I can but it's hard and I don't know if I'm brave enough to fight this hard all days.

I get dressed and once I am ready, I grab my schoolbag and take a last look at the full-length mirror in my bedroom. I left my straight brown hair fall on my shoulders and did a light make-up, my outfit is as simple as usual: blue jeans, a warm jacket and my black boots.

I leave my room and the house with a quick goodbye to mom. Dad already left for work, but mom begins later because she also finishes later. She asks me like every morning if I want her to drop me off at school and like every morning, I answer her it's okay, that Lara will come pick me up.

I look at my phone: 8:10.

Lara is supposed to be here already. As I think of telling her she must be on time, I see her blue car go down the street. She stops in front of me.

I open the door and sit beside her. I don't even have the time to buckle my seat belt that she starts the car and drives without caring about speed limits.

"Why do you buckle your belt, Addie?"

"I had an accident, remember?"

"You're afraid."

"That's not fear, Lara. I just would like not to die in this car."

She laughs, throwing her blond hair behind her.

"Come on, Addie. Don't be afraid, I will not drive faster."

You already drive at 80 miles/hour instead of 60 miles/hour, how do you want to drive faster? I think.

"I'm not afraid", I reply.

"Then, unbuckle your seat belt", she challenges.

"Have I got mine buckled?" She asks

"No", I answer.

"So why would you?"

Because I'm not crazy like you, because I care about my life, because I already had an accident and for nothing in the world I will relive it!

But I say none of those things, I just unbuckle my seat belt with trembling hands. My heart beats faster than it ever has.

"Good girl", Lara says as she laughs.