"As a woman; I had so much empathy. As a daughter; I felt so much anger."
Raising a child is nowhere near easy, but when Heaven grows older alongside her mother, the empathy she feels for her mother slowly turns to anger.
I was about to take another bite as my phone lit up. I reached out to grab it to find a notification of a new chat.
Ivan: Are you up?
I sighed as I rolled my eyes. Ivan was a guy I met online, who apparently lived across the street. He tried to meet me numerous times but I ghosted him every time. He just never seemed to get the hint.
Heaven: I am, wassup?
I went to Ivan's social profile. He seemed to be the skinny, small town boy. He had dark hair with the brightest eyes possible. He must have clenched his jaw a lot through his life because he had the sharpest one I had ever seen. On all his pictures, he occasionally wore high-end clothes as Ralph Lauren and Louis Vouitton with a big Rolex on his left wrist. I hated these type of guys, showing off how much money they got. As if money was all that mattered. I didn't give a damn about brands, most of my clothes were from Zara or H&M.
Ivan: I'm in the parking lot down the street. Wanna join?
I hesitated to reply for a second, weighing all my options down. I looked at my plate and quickly ate the last bit as I decided what I was going to do. I got out of bed and walked with a fast pace downstairs. "Where are you going?" My mother asked when I came into the living room with a hurry. I placed the plate in the dishwasher and quickly turned to grab my shoes.
"Ivan from next door invited me to the parking lot so I figured why not?" I explained as I tied my shoes. I was still in the sweatpants and sweater I had changed to before. The fight I had before with my mother seemed to be long gone as I had something else on my mind.
"Don't be out too late, ok? You have school tomorrow." My mother said. To be honest, I barely listened as I hummed and I grabbed my keys to make my way out. The parking lot was just a few houses ahead.
I had ignored Ivan many times before, which is why I didn't understand why he kept trying to get my attention. But it worked, because here I was; making my way towards him on the parking lot. I grabbed my phone to text him which car was his as I entered the parking lot but as doing so, I heard a car starting its engine. I looked towards the cars and noticed a Mercedes with his headlights on. It was a cool car, to be fair, but it never stood out to me. To overpriced to my idea. And how much money did this guy have? He was what? Two years older than me? I saw a guy in the car that I figured to be Ivan. I really did not want to enter his car so I made my way over but kept outside. As Ivan took the hint, he got out and walked around the car. "There she is, the moon child." He said as he smiled brightly. I frowned softly, what?
"Moon child?"
"Yes, I saw it's your birth stone," Ivan explained. "We have each other on SnapChat, remember? It shows your birthday and other templates."
Wow, this guy really took the time to know something about me.
"You've... what?" I was in shock. There was a pesky feeling in my gut but I chose to ignore it, as I felt like it was a side effect from the trauma I had endured. Ivan started laughing as he grabbed something out of his pocket. I slowly watched him, unable to keep my cool. There was something off about this guy but I just couldn't figure out what it was.
"You want one?" Ivan asked, holding something out for me. I was in a fog, brain fog to be precise. I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear itself. Opening my eyes again, I saw he held a pack of cigarettes open right in front of me.
"Sure." I said as I giggled softly, why was I giggling? And why did I accept his offer when I knew damn well I had my own. I lit the cigarette as I looked up to the sky. It was surprisingly dark for the time of the year. "Why did you call me a moon girl?" I asked when I thought about it.
"Because you seem all to yourself, it took me weeks to finally meet you for the first time." Ivan explained. I looked up to him and saw a vein popping in his hand as he held the cigarette to his mouth. God, there was something about that. "But tell me, during the time you ignored me, what were you up to?" Ivan asked, keeping his eyes on me. Suddenly I felt embarrassed for being in my sweatpants and sweatshirt. What was I thinking? I looked down, towards my feet, trying to keep my thoughts together.
"I've been busy keeping the house clean while my mother rehabilitates and my stepdad works." I explained.
"Rehabilitates?" Ivan asked as if he did not understood what the word meant.
"Yeah, she suffered from heart failure not long ago." I explained and looked up to Ivan again. Somehow I felt in chokehold for opening up so much. I haven't done that in a long time. I quickly took the cigarette to my mouth to focus on something else.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Ivan replied. He made his way over to the driver's side as he threw his cigarette away. "Come on, it's cold." He said as he got in the car. I stared at him, wondering if I should give in to the temptation or let go for once and take the risk. Screw it all, it was about time I started doing instead of thinking. I threw my cigarette away and opened the door.
"As long as you don't hold me captive." I threatened. Ivan chuckled and there was something dark in his eyes that held back the spark. As if he was acting. My smile turned to a frown and I quickly looked out the window to hide it. "Tell me about yourself." I said to change the subject, but also because I wanted to figure out why I felt so pesky. Ivan looked back at me and I noticed the spark in his eyes was back.
"That's something I can tell you about," Ivan replied. "I'm in the military so I'm away a lot, but when I'm at home I like to spend some time with my little brother, he's turning four this November." Ivan told me about himself. He opened his window as he lit up another cigarette. A smoker in his car? Now that was something I very much refused if it was my car. But it wasn't so I kept my mouth shut as I listened to him talking. For the next fifteen minutes he kept telling me about his little brother, how he brought him joy and kept him alive from everything he had seen in the military so far. The other fifteen minutes he told me about his position in the military, what he had seen and which countries he had been taking off to for the past couple of years. To my math, he was in Istanbul when the incident happened between my father and I.
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