Adrift Through Time

Chapter 2 - And I Could Give You My Devotion

Author's Note: I didn't expect this fic to get so much attention, but I should have. This is a pretty unusual concept. xP

~ Amina Gila

The conversation with Shmi is still ringing in Vader's mind as he lands on Bespin, only to uncover the very illegal operation being conducted there.

Normally he would deal with this the way he always does – it's not truly any different than the things he did as a Jedi, in this instance.

But he –

He can't shake the tiny whisper in his mind of what have you become? The – everything he's done, no matter the reason, is haunting him ceaselessly now, from the moment he first saw Shmi on board that ship. This isn't what she wanted for him, what he left her to become, and he – He's never loathed himself quite as much as he does now.

It's just even harder to use it to fuel himself right now, but that automatically makes him even more afraid of what will happen if Sidious realizes that he's not being as competent as he ought to be. Whether or not he wants to do what he is has always been immaterial. Even as a Jedi. He has to do what's demanded of him, whether he likes it or not. He and Sidious have a conversation any time he makes a mistake, and it's enough for him to never forget.

Even thinking about betraying his master – which he is – floods him with overwhelming fear, the thing that's fueled him the strongest all these years. He's even more afraid of something going wrong now because of what it could mean for Shmi and Luke.

All he can do now on Bespin is... what he always has, no matter how much the shame is smothering him. Especially when Shmi is lurking nearby, watching.

Though Lando Calrissian immediately scrambles to make a deal with the Empire in the hopes that it will keep them out of his operation. The Falcon is coming in to land for whatever reason, and it's the perfect trap to catch them in. This is a deal that Vader will respect, so long as Lando holds up his end, which he... genuinely doubts will remain true. And so long as Sidious doesn't demand Vader do something differently.

Boba approaches him – it was because of him they tracked the Falcon's trajectory in the first place – asking for permission to take Solo to the Hutts for some other bounty.

Solo probably has little information on the Rebellion, and turning him over to Boba would be –

But seeing his mother again, he can't stop thinking about those days they were together. He was a slave then, but he also with the one person he knew would never leave him. Not back then, at least. He doesn't know what she'd think of him now. And he can't... just turn someone over to the Hutts, knowing what they'll probably do, though it's not like the criminal's fate with the Empire will be much better. But it's different for the Hutts. What they're doing is still injustice, no matter if Solo is a criminal himself.

"We will discuss this later, once matters here are... settled," Vader tells him.

Boba isn't overly happy, but he returns to waiting, as does Vader.

Until he senses as much as sees Shmi quietly approaching from behind him.

"Do you have time?" she asks, after a moment where they just... look at each other.

"Yes." He could never say no to that, to anything she asked him.

"I don't know where you... grew up," Shmi begins. She seems almost uncomfortable sometimes around him, and he has no idea how to feel about that. It just makes him feel sick and hate himself more than he already does. "But on Tatooine, we... have a legend."