Sapnap slowly opened the door and peered at the figure under the sheets. George's outline was engraved on his gray blanket. The shirt he'd worn the day of the breakup was carelessly tossed aside. The chain he shared with Dream was also on the floor. Most noticeably, a cardboard box lay next to the door, filled with Dream's clothes, Christmas gifts, and a teddy bear. His desk was gathering dust. "George is dead" was trending on Twitter. And the scent of liquor and dirty laundry filled the room like oxygen.
"Dude, it stinks in here." Sapnap picked an empty beer can off George's nightstand. "And I haven't seen you in two weeks. What's going on?"
"Nothing," George snapped. "Leave me alone."
Sapnap sighed and studied the brunette. His hair was tousled and his voice was raw. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and bags lay heavily under his eyes. He seemed to be wearing an oversized Dream hoodie and navy boxers. He was wearing the same hoodie he bought two sizes bigger so it would look like it belonged to Dream. He'd even bought his favorite cologne, just to feel like he was with him.
"You can't push me away." Sapnap sat on the edge of George's bed, trying not to breathe too deeply. "What's wrong?"
George buried his face in his hands. They sat in silence for a while; Sapnap's comforting weight on the bed, George's head submerged in his palms. Finally, he spoke. "Can you get me water? Please?"
Sapnap nodded and went to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. When he came back, George took a few tentative sips. "I can't cry anymore."
"What?"
He repeated, "I can't cry anymore."
Sapnap drew in a breath. He felt sick to his stomach, so he couldn't imagine how George must feel.
"Sometimes it hurts," He said softly. "Sometimes when I think about us dancing in the living room. Or smiling in between kisses. Or laughing together in the middle of the night. Or camping out in his bed and watching movies. Sometimes it feels like the world drained me of everything I had. Sometimes I sit in silence. I stare at the ceiling and his favorite song just plays again and again in my head. Sometimes I drink, to give myself a high. I had to stop after a while because I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed to throw up."
Sapnap opened his mouth but said nothing. "When was the last time you showered?"
George laughed bitterly. "How should I know?"
Sapnap pressed his fingers to his temples. It was bad, but what else was it supposed to be? Dream was like a safe haven for George. He was always there, always ready to comfort him and hold him. He knew exactly the right thing to say, all the time. He made everyone feel safe. But mostly, he made George feel safe. He was his first kiss. His first love. His first heartbreak.
"Okay. Shower, and then we're going to the store."
George shook his head and gestured down at himself. "You think I'm coming?"
"I don't know what this is," Sapnap replied, "But it's not healthy. So take off your stupid hoodie, put on some decent clothes, shower, and maybe tweet something so the whole internet doesn't think you died."
"Isn't it weird? How they never knew about us? How we ended before we even got a chance to start, how they removed the finish line before we even set up for the race?" George shifted the cup in his hands. "It's like we never really had anything. And then I look at our old clips and the way he used to look at me, and I think for even one second that maybe we could've been something."
"Dream has his reasons," Sapnap murmured. "He didn't want to hurt you. He wanted to protect you. That was exactly why he broke it off."
"That's not his job!" George yelled back. "It wasn't his job to protect me, or whatever he thought he was doing. At least if he would've set me on fire, we could've gone down burning together. I was prepared to do that, Sapnap."
