one of them

three

Donna's POV

"Donna... Donna... Donna!"

I snapped out of my daze. I looked over and it was Sodapop. "Come on. We gotta get home. Receptions starting."

I sighed and followed along the three of them.

Sodapop was clearly upset, but was better at keeping it contained. Ponyboy was a mess. Darry seemed to show no emotion. Like this was a funeral for someone he never met.

I wasn't sure how to process this.

In my mind they were still out at their picnic. And they'd be home any second. And that phone call didn't happen. And my life didn't change in a split second.

It wasn't until I walked in the door that reality hit me.

Everyone was gathered to celebrate the life my parents had, but I wasn't sure how I was supposed to celebrate after my parents were gone.

There was food out for everyone, but I couldn't eat any of it. Dad's co workers were mainly goin' at it.

The guys were here.

Steve, Two-Bit, Johnny, and Dallas.

The four of them have been our friends for so long. I love them like they're my own brothers.

When they found out our parents passed they actually seemed serious. I didn't know they knew how to handle serious situations.

But they did.

Even Two-Bit was serious about it and he'd be the first person to make anything into a joke.

"Hey, how are ya doin'?" Johnny asked.

I shrugged. "How am I supposed to be feeling after I lost my parents? They were perfect... why'd they have to die?" I felt my lip curl as I held back tears.

"I'm sorry, Donna. At least you all get to stay together. Figure out how you'll move on as a family of four instead of six. And you get to do it together."

"I guess. Johnny, can I say something and promise you won't judge me?"

"Yeah, of course. What's up?"

I looked around and decided it might be best to step outside. He followed. "Johnny, I feel so guilty for their death."

"Guilty? How so?"

"I dunno. I just do. I should've pestered them that it was too cold for a picnic. Maybe encouraged something else. If anyone were to do it, it'd be me. Soda, Pony, and Dar were all out when they left."

"You can't blame yourself, Donna. No one would have known."

"I know, but I really did think it was too cold. I should've said something. Maybe a movie or a night out for dinner. Not a picnic on the outside of town." I sighed. "I wish it was me instead."

"Donna, don't say that."

"But I'm serious!" I said quickly. "I wish I were dead instead. Then Darry could still go to college. Sodapop would be in school. Ponyboy would go through his developmental years with his parents to guide him. They had so much for them. They loved their life. And I'm stuck in this part of my life where I feel like I have nothing going for me."

"Everyone thinks that when they're younger. Especially in their later years of high school. You're decided what you want to do with the next chapter of your life. You've got a purpose, Dee. You just gotta figure it out. And I guarantee you that losing you would be harder on your parents than you losing them. They raised you. They watched you grow. And for you to all of a sudden be gone, it'd ruin them."

I was silent for a moment. "Thanks, Johnny. You're right. I know you are. It's just hard."

"I know. Go eat some food. You look like you haven't eaten all day. Maybe it'll make you feel better. Or if you wanna stay out here I can bring you some food and water."

I smiled slightly, for the first time in days. "Thanks, Johnny. I'll be okay. I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

We walked back inside and I started talking to a few people. I needed to at least act like everything was semi-alright. Even though it was nothing like that. Everything was the opposite of alright.

I went up to Julia. "Hey, Donna." She said hugging me.

"Hi, Jules. Thank you for coming."

"Of course. Are you gonna be okay tonight? I'll spend the night if you'd like. We can watch some movies and I'll get us some food."

"I appreciate it, Julia, but I think I wanna be alone tonight."

"I understand. Just know I'm always here if you need me. I love you."

"Love you, too. I appreciate it." I looked around. "I might go take a walk for a bit. Clear my head. It's been a long day."

"I'll let Darry know. It's a bit chilly out, though. Maybe just go sit in your room for a bit? Get your alone time there?"

I hated how she was doing what I wanted to do for my parents...

"I'll bring a jacket." I said with a grin.

I walked out the door without a word to anyone else and I found my way to anywhere else I could. I wish I could just escape this monstrous reality.

I did this to clear my mind, but unfortunately, it was anything but that. All I could think about was everything that happened in the past week.

I wasn't sure how long I was walking for. But when I noticed reality again, the sky was dark and the street lamps were on.

I gasped. "Oh, God. Darry'll kill me."

I sped walk back towards our house and I definitely took a few wrong turns. I was frazzled, a bit. I was losing my sense of direction.

I was definitely in the outskirts. Nowhere near where I should be.

I finally started to recognize the place and I had about a dozen excuses as to where I was and why I was out so late.

I was about ten minutes away and I heard some yell behind me.

"Hey!"