what are we?

one.

i was exploring an old abandoned building by myself. my friends, if you can even call them that, are all about going to the mall and spending hours in sephora. now i'm not claiming that i'm "not like other girls", i just mean i'm not really that type of person. if i need something from sephora or something, i just walk in the store, get the product and leave. i don't understand spending hours in there and using all those overpriced brands. and shopping in physical stores in general is so embarrassing. the changing while there's someone outside the changing room waiting for you to get out, the changing room curtains literally not properly closing ever, just picking out clothing and rummaging through a large pile of stuff to find the correct size is something i despise doing. i prefer just online shopping. but i don't judge anyone. your preferences are your preferences.

i wish i could actually have friends who were similar to me. and didn't talk shit behind my back. all i want is someone who would be willing to explore abandoned buildings with me while talking about life. and after that, going on late night walks while having deep conversations. i want someone to share their story with me while i also share mine. and not talk about your goddamn "harry styles" being hot or whatever. he isn't even hot anyway.. sorry harry fans.

i was just walking in the abandoned building. as soon as i stepped in, i recognised the smell. the smell of a really really old building. last time i smelled an abandoned building like that, a bit of it collapsed on me. i heard footsteps of another person. from what i could see, he had black, messy hair. a dark red button-up, half unbuttoned, showing off his tattoos. which i will be honest, looked extremely cool. and he had black skinny jeans on. skinny jeans in most occasions give me the ick, but honestly, this guy looks absolutely great in them so who am i to judge. so far, he's probably the only person i've seen who actually styled them well.

i was going to further explore, seeing a really interesting piece of graffiti that i wanted to check out. but i stumbled on something and fell. and my movement made a tiny bit of the other floor collapse on me. it was just a random piece of wood. it didn't hurt too much, thank god. i heard footsteps that gradually got more close to me. i looked and saw it was the attractive guy from earlier. this time with a concerned look on his face.

"are you okay?" he questioned.

"yeah, i'm fine, don't worry." i answered, wiping a bit of the dust off of myself.

"are you sure? that looked like it really hurt." he asked again, concerned as hell.

"i'm all good, no worries." i replied, actually so glad he even cares. like damn i wasn't expecting that.

"but be careful out here, it might collapse on you as well.." i added cautiously before leaving the building, i see him and probably one of his friends leave with him. his friend had a black mullet type of hairstyle, he was tall, and was wearing a metallica band tee and black cargos. both of these guys are cool as shit, damn i wish we were friends. but of course cool people like that only appear in my life for like a couple of minutes.

i walked back home since i lived like 5 minutes away. i put in my airpods and listened to some music. first song that played was "hole in the earth" by deftones. i literally love this song. especially when walking somewhere. it makes my life feel all romanticised.

i walked home. i took off my shoes and placed them near the door, then climbed up the stairs to go to my room.

i laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. many many thoughts flooded my mind. i can't even name them. they change way too fast. they went from that cool guy at the abandoned building, to trying to figure out how to hide my wrists.

get me out of here. i despise life.

i sigh, then decide to change to something more comfy. i put on skull pj pants and a deftones band tee. i take off all of my jewellery and put it on my nightstand.

i lay there just staring at the ceiling and being flooded by thoughts.

and i was flooded by thoughts too much. they went from random silly little things to just full on negative thoughts.

i stood up and walked over to my drawer. i took out the little black box and opened it. i took out the blade from it and stared at my wrist. i'm pathetic. this is something i should have never even thought of. now my wrists look like this and i'm all fucked. i hate everything.

i stared at the blade seeing my vision get blurred slightly. my eyes started tearing up a bit but i blinked it away. although the unpleasant sensation was still there in my eyes. i placed the blade on my wrist and slid it through, seeing a hint of red. and i did that a couple more times.

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flashback.

it was p.e. i had a stack of bracelets on each wrist. i was going to start running around the hall but coach stopped me. he pursed his lips and pointed at my bracelets, signalling for me to take them off. i shook my head and was about to just keep on running but he pulled all of my bracelets off and placed them on the bench. he stared at my wrists.

"you teenagers are such failures. if you can't keep those bracelets off, how about your mom figures out the reason why those bracelets seem like they're glued to those darn wrists? since young lady right here is so stubborn?"
he kept shouting my ear off. i felt multiple pairs of eyes on me and my wrists. i felt tears flooding my eyes but i blinked them away. he started texting my mom and shit.

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i open my phone and check instagram.

johnnieguilbert started following you.

i view his profile. that's the guy i saw earlier today??!! and he has 2 MIL???

so you're telling me i met someone famous earlier today.

actually fucking crazy.

i followed back, of course.