Lord Husband

Chapter 9

You look so small in his arms as he carries you to the bedchamber, like a delicate flower that will fall apart if he holds you too tightly. No words are shared between your husband and yourself during the walk; an air of uncomfortable tension surrounds the two of you. Even when you enter the room and he places you down ever so gently, there are no words for a few moments.

"Perhaps you would like some water? Or some time to allow the effects of the alcohol to fade?" You're drunk. He knows it. You know it. You're swaying occasionally as he speaks.

"I would rather not." You breathe out. The drunkenness is intentional. You don't want to remember this night if you need not to.

"Are you quite sure? I think it would just be beneficial if-"

"I would like to have it over with."

He cringes. It's not the words a man wants to hear from his wife on their wedding night. He had always assumed his wedding night would be the best of his life, something filled with love and passion. He sees now that he was dreadfully wrong.

"If this is not something you wish to do today..."

"The marriage must be consummated." It's a practiced thought.

He thinks for a moment... then gives in. "I will do my best to make you comfortable. Come." He beckons you over to him and you apprehensively make your way to your new lord husband.

His hand moves your hair out of the way as your back faces him. His fingers move to the ties of your dress and he starts to undo it. You feel cold when it's tugged down, even with the fire heating the room. You stand in front of him now, only in your slip as he gazes down at you. You thought he would look more hungry, more lustful.

"May I take this off?" He murmurs, his fingers toying with the strap of your slip.

You know it is traditional to be bare for the act but just the thought of a man seeing you naked, even if he is your husband, makes you shudder.
Cregan senses your unease and speaks again, "Perhaps I should rephrase myself. Do you wish for me to take this off? You need not say yes just because it is expected, my love."

"I-I would rather not." You say with a shaky voice.

"Then you will keep it on. You will have to take off your small clothes though, but I think you should do that yourself." He says carefully before unbuttoning and removing his tunic to give you a sense of being on the same level but looking at his bare chest does nothing but make you feel... strange.

You move slowly and he looks away as you pull your underwear off from beneath your slip. He then takes your hand to lead you to the bed but you pull it out of his grasp and crawl onto it yourself, looking at him with as straight of a face as you can muster.

"Will you have me on my front or back?"

"Pardon?"

"Would you like me to lie on my stomach or my back?" You ask emotionlessly.

"Um... well whatever is preferable for you. I thought, perhaps, you would allow me to do something first, to prepare you?" He kneels before you, between your legs. His fingers play with the hem of your chemise, ready to lift it and place kisses up... up... up. "You would enjoy it, I promise." The look in his eyes is warm, an attempt to be comforting.

"No, I don't want that." You move back like a spooked mare. He may be about to bed you but that is far too intimate. "I want it done with."

"You're trembling. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"You don't frighten me." You protest, almost offended, even if you are afraid.

"I won't hurt you... or i'll try not to." You're tense and a virgin, it would be lucky if he didn't hurt you a little bit. "I'll be gentle. I'll take care of you." He tries his hardest to reassure you but to no avail.

You roll onto your stomach so you don't have to look him in the eyes, so he can't see the tears that are threatening to fall. "Please just make it quick."

Quick and gentle aren't usually two things that go hand in hand but he wants to do his best to make it easy for you. Over and done with he thinks as he lifts your hips to place a pillow under them so you'll be more comfortable.

"It will sting at first but we'll go at your pace. Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?"  You don't say anything for a few seconds. "I need to know you understood me, darling."

"I understand." The short statement is enough for him.

He lifts your slip until it only covers your bum. Usually he would feel himself harden at the sight of such plush thighs but your discomfort makes it difficult to arouse himself. He pumps his hand along his shaft, feeling it finally get stiff. He then spits on his hand so he can at least provide some lubricant even with you refusing his attempts of preparation.

You almost shiver when you feel the head of him against your folds and your eyes screw shut when he starts to push in.

The resistance. The resistance of your body makes him feel sick to his stomach. He's never had a time with a woman where he didn't just slip in with ease and now he's just forced himself into his unwilling young bride.

"I should stop." He breathes out.

"That is all it is?" You thought it would last longer.

"No, but you don't like it."

"I won't like it anymore another day."

Gods he feels worse now. Will it always be awful for you? Will you never be happy as his wife?

He starts to thrust in and out of your warmth anyhow. If he can't please you then he at least won't prolong your misery. It stings no matter how slow he goes, your body isn't used to such a stretch. He holds your hips carefully, wanting nothing more to kiss you gently and tell you how beautiful you are, how good you're doing. He just knows that such sentiments would fall on deaf ears.

It goes on for a few minutes. The tears that were held in your eyes are now fallen as you bury your face in the pillows. You don't want him to see how weak you are. It's pathetic to cry over something that every woman goes through. Your tears won't make you feel less ruined, they won't stop the mixing of his seed with your maiden's blood. When it's finally over, all you can do is hope that there is a son in your belly so you'll never have to warm your husband's bed again.

He hears your muted sobs for only a few minutes before you're quiet. It's been more than a long day and he's pleased you have found your rest. You shift in your sleep, your body never used to the cold as you turn to face him. He wishes he could make you as content in waking day as you are in sleep. Cregan's hand brushes the hair off your face. He knows there's no woman in the world so beautiful. Any man would be pleased to have you... but you're not truly his.

Your brows furrow as you feel the chill in your sleep. You subconsciously look for warmth and you unintentionally find it in the man that lies next to you. Cregan isn't sure what to do when his delicate bride starts to cling to him but he can't prevent the small smile from crossing his lips. At least an unthinking part of you finds solace in him.