Skulduggery Pleasant + Gravity Falls: Magic & Mysteries Unite!

Welcome to Gravity Falls...

It was a beautiful Summers day as the fancy Black car drove down the long stretch of road towards their destination.
Tall trees passed by on either side as a girl with dark hair awoke from her slumber.
"Wow. How long was I asleep for?" She asked the man driving the vehicle.
"18 hours," he replied with a voice a smooth as velvet.
The girl yawned and stretched.
She looked out the passenger window as a huge sign passed by.
"Welcome to Gravity Falls. Nothing to see here folks!' ".
"What?", the driver said, turning his head a fraction. His face was waxy, and one of his eyes was looking the wrong way.
"That's what the sign says. Are we there yet? I'm hungry and I have to pee."
"You're always hungry, Valkyrie. You had that stack of pancakes before we left."
"Yeah, I know. But I didn't get to eat all of them, did I? Because of the Racoon."
"And what did the Racoon do?", the man with the waxy face asked, failing to hide the amusement in his voice.
"He kept staring at me with his beady little eyes, so I had to give him some of my pancakes in case he jumped at me. I hate Racoons; they look like little, hairy burglars."
The man gave a small laugh.
"Shut up," Valkyrie huffed. "It's not funny. I could've had my eyes scratched out and-"
Valkyrie stopped and looked at the man.
"What? What's wrong?" He asked, his bushy eyebrows furrowed.
"Your eye," she pointed. "It's looking the wrong way."
"Is it now?" He looked in the mirror and proceeded to poke and turn it back the right way. "China assured me this wouldn't bloody happen again..." he murmured.
"Urgh... jeez, Skulduggery. Can't you feel that?"
"Not especially," Skulduggery said happily.
"Why don't you just deactivate your Facade until we arrive? There's no one about, anyway."
"There's no need. We're here."
Valkyrie looked out the window in front. In the clearing was a huge wooden shack, with the words 'Mystery Shack' on top. The 'S' in Shack looked loose; like it could fall off at any minute.
Just out front of the Shack was a tour bus; passengers and their kids hurriedly got off with glee and excitement on their faces.
"What is this place?" Valkyrie asked confused.
"A tourist trap," Skulduggery said as he parked alongside the tour bus.
"A tourist trap?" Valkyrie echoed.
"Yes, my little parrot; just like when I took you to see the worlds largest ball of yarn."
"I am not a parrot," Valkyrie said as she opened her door and stepped out. Skulduggery opened his door and did the same. They closed their doors together.
"Of course you're not. And if you behave yourself today, I'll give you a cracker," he said with good humour as he activated the car alarm.
"Why are we here anyway?", Valkyrie asked before she could hit him.
"We've been getting reports of strange things occurring here in Gravity Falls. And since we're the best at our job, the American Sanctuary called us in to investigate."
"You mean they couldn't be arsed to investigate it themselves so they called us in because we're a couple of mugs who haven't got anything to investigate ourselves at the moment."
"You are a glass half empty kind of person today," Skulduggery said as he took off his hat, ran his fingers through his short brown hair and made his way towards the Shack.
"No, I'm not. I told you; I'm hungry and I need to pee. You go on ahead, I'm going to see if I can find a restroom or something."
Valkyrie sprinted towards the side of the shack where she saw a handyman with a green cap and a question mark t-shirt. It looked like he was fixing up a golf cart.
" 'Scuse me!", she called, the handyman jumped and yelped in surprise.
"Woah! You sure scared me, dude." He chuckled with a hand to his chest.
"Sorry," Valkyrie said, embarrassed. "I was wondering if there was a restroom around here that I could use?"
"There is the outhouse round back, but you don't want to use that. Trust me."
"Eww... Ok, thanks anyway."
"Maybe you could use the bathroom inside, I'm sure Mr Pines wouldn't mind."
Valkyrie didn't know who this 'Mr Pines' was, so she smiled gratefully.
"Just go in through the Gift Shop, through the door marked 'Employees Only', through the parlour, up the stairs and it's the third door on the left."
"Ok, thanks again, erm... I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"Soos. I'm the handyman."
"I'm Valkyrie."
"Like the Warrior?"
Valkyrie smiled as she made her way towards the entrance.
"Yeah, like the Warrior. Thanks again, Soos."
"No prob, dude." Soos continued tinkering with the golf cart.
Valkyrie quickly walked through the Gift Shop, noticing a jar of eye balls on the counter. It looked like they were following her. The cashier-a teenage girl in a green flannel shirt and red hair-was asleep with her feet up on the counter and a Teen Magazine covering her face. Her name tag read 'Wendy'. Valkyrie liked that name.
She made it through the parlour, up the stairs and into the bathroom.
After she finished, she flushed and washed her hands and was about to make her way downstairs when she heard someone-a young boy-talking down the hall.
"I'm telling you, Mabel. There's something strange about that guy," he was saying.
Valkyrie followed the voice until she came to a bedroom.
Inside, where two children-a boy and a girl-looking out of the window.
"C'mon, Dipper. You're being paranoid,"
The girl-Mabel-said.
"He's just a skinny, fancy man, with a big, fancy car."
Valkyrie smiled, they were obviously talking about Skulduggery.
"Not every new person we see is a Demon or Creature from the Nightmare Realm."
Valkyrie's smile faltered, "Nightmare Realm?"
"That's what you said about that guy we saw last week, and he turned out to be a two goblins in a bowler hat and trenchcoat." Dipper opened an old looking book and scanned through the pages. "He could be anything! He could even be an agent of Bill's; we don't know who-or what-he is!"
"We could use the shrink ray on him and lock him in a hamster cage; he can't do anything dangerous if he's the size of a Hamster." Mabel said as she took out a flashlight with a crystal attached.
"I thought that crystal got broken?" Dipper asked suspiciously.
"I consulted the Journal and went and got a new one; I wanted Soos to play in that Dollhouse I made."
Mabel shined the flashlight on a nearby chair, it shank to the size of a pea.
"Please don't shrink my friend," Valkyrie said as she gentle pushed open the door.
Dipper and Mabel jumped and whirled around; Valkyrie noticed they were twins.
"Who are you?" Mabel asked.
"Who sent you?" Dipper also asked, clutching the Journal to his chest.
"My Name is Valkyrie Cain, I just came in here to use the toilet when I heard you two talking. That skinny, fancy man out front is my friend."
Dipper grabbed the flashlight from Mabel and pointed it towards Valkyrie.
"I said: who sent you? Was it Bill?"
"You mean Billy-Ray?"
"What? No, Bill! The one eyed triangle Demon that's probably your master!"
"Ok, first off: I don't have a Master. Second: I have no idea who this 'Bill' Demon is."
"Are you Scottish?" Mabel asked as she approached Valkyrie.
"N-no," Valkyrie said with a half laugh. "I'm Irish. As is my friend."
"Is your friend a Demon?"
"No, he's not a Demon."
Mabel turned and looked at Dipper. "Ha," she said, smugly.
"If you both come downstairs, I can introduce you to him. I promise he won't hurt you."
"Ok!" Mabel took hold of Valkyrie's hand.
"You coming, Dipper?"
"Alright...," he said after a cautious pause. "But if he tries anything-"
"I know, I know. You'll shrink him down and lock him in a Hamster cage." Valkyrie winked at Mabel and she laughed.
As the three went outside they saw a man in a suit and Fez, and a crowd of dumb looking tourists. He looked annoyed.
"For the hundredth time: it's a rock that looks like a face! It's not an actual face!"
"But if it's not an actual face, why does it look like a face?" Asked an overweight man with a sunburnt nose.
"That's our Grunkle Stan; he runs the Mystery Shack." Mabel said.
"I'm guessing he also goes by 'Mr Pines' ?" Valkyrie asked and Mabel nodded.
She scanned the crowd and saw Skulduggery, he was now wearing a different face; high cheekbones, a short cropped goatee, mid-length tousled sandy hair and golden-brown skin.
"There he is," she said waving at him.
"Didn't he have short brown hair earlier?" Dipper asked.
"Maybe he wears wigs, Dipper." Mabel said as she tried to get a better look.
"He used to," Valkyrie said with a smile.
Skulduggery waved back and stepped away from the crowd, accidentally bumping into a slim man wearing a hooded jacket.
Skulduggery mumbled a half-hearted apology as he made his way over, the slim man glared at him, his eyes practically burning into the back of Skulduggery's head.
"I see you've made two new friends," he said, smiling at the twins.
"Ooh, a fancy man with a fancy voice," Mabel said with a smile.
Dipper rolled his eyes. "Dude's too old for you, Mabel."
"What? I'm not allowed to compliment his voice now? You think I flirt with every guy I meet ."
"That's because you do flirt with every guy you meet; you scared the Mattress Prince so badly that he quit his job and moved to Ohio."
Valkyrie stifled a laugh as Skulduggery arched an eyebrow in confusion.
"Skulduggery, I'd like to introduce you to Dipper and Mabel, the annoyed man with the Fez is they're Grunkle Stan."
"Is he now?" Skulduggery said, looking back over his shoulder, the slim man was now staring daggers at the overweight man who was still asking idiotic questions about the face rock. There was something off about him.
Skulduggery hunkered down until he was eye level and held out his gloved hand.
"Hello, how do you do?" Mabel let go of Valkyrie's hand and shook Skulduggery's with both of hers eagerly.
"I'm Mabel, I'm the cute one. Dipper's the one with the big ego and the even bigger head."
Skulduggery laughed.
"Seriously. He struggles to put his shirt on sometimes." Mabel said as Dipper came forward.
"My head's not that big..." he mumbled.
"So... 'Skulduggery', huh? That's an unusually unique name."
"I was going to say the same about yours, Dipper."
The pair shook as Dipper stared at Skulduggery's hand.
"Huh...your hand feels really bony, man."
Before Skulduggery could comment, panicked screams erupted from the crowd of tourists as they ran away. Skulduggery and Valkyrie charged towards the screaming with the twins not far behind them.
The overweight man was on the ground, bleeding badly with huge gashes across his side.
The slim man in the hooded jacket snarled like a wild beast; his hands tipped with long, sharp claws. His mouth, which was lined with sharp and jagged little fangs, was dripping with blood and spittle.
Stan ran back into the shack, hopefully to get help.
The overweight man tried to crawl away but the slim man stomped on the overweight man's ankle, the snap was audible and his screams were of agony.
"You protect the kids, Valkyrie. Keep them safe!"
Normally, Valkyrie would try and help Skulduggery, but the fear on their faces made her hang back.
Skulduggery ran forward and jumped, a huge gush of wind made him shoot fast through the air like a speeding bullet and he punched the slim man in the face with great force; he slumped to the ground, his nose was bleeding profusely.
His eyes were angry and filled with rage.
He quickly jumped up and racked his claws across Skulduggery's shirt, tearing it. Skulduggery yelled in surprise and he pushed his hands at the air, trying to knock the slim man onto the ground again, but he spun and stepped to the side, grabbed Skulduggery's left wrist and pulled his arm off at the socket and out through the sleeve. He shouted in anger and pain as his arm was thrown behind him, his shirt sleeve flapped uselessly by his side.
Skulduggery jabbed the slim man twice in the neck, once in the chest and twice more in the stomach with his remaining hand, the slim man grunted and tried to back off, but Skulduggery kicked his legs from under him, he landed with a heavy thud.
Skulduggery was about to reach for his gun as the slim man started to rise, when Stan burst out of the Shack with another man in tow. He was wearing a red turtleneck, a long overcoat, black pants and muddy boots; he looked like Stan.
The man who looked like Stan ran forward, holding out his gloved hands, Skulduggery jumped backwards as the man who looked like Stan grabbed the slim man and volts of electricity suddenly shot through him as he screeched. He fell to the floor unconscious and twitched slightly, tendrils of smoke drifted from him.
"Thanks for the help," Skulduggery said as he went to retrieve his arm.
"Oh, no you don't!" The man who looked like Stan went to reach for him, but Skulduggery pulled his out gun and aimed it at the man's forehead.
"Great Uncle Ford!" Dipper yelled.
"Skulduggery! Put the gun down!" Yelled Valkyrie, holding the twins back.
"Not until this man has lowered his hands," Skulduggery announced.
"For God's sake, Ford! Lower your damn hands!!" Yelled Stan.
"Not until he lowers his gun..."
The two men stood there in tense silence, no body else moved.
Ford looked at Skulduggery's torn shirt, he could see ribs.
Skulduggery looked at Ford's hands, he noticed he had six fingers.
"Are you here to hurt my family?" Ford asked cautiously.
"No. Are you going to hurt my friend?"
"Who's your friend?"
"See that girl over there, dressed head to toe in black protecting your kids? She's my friend."
"Is she one of the good guys?"
"We're both the good guys. We were sent here to investigate some strange goings on. That man you've shocked unconscious? He's one of the bad buys that me and my friend stop all the time."
Ford slowly lowered his hands.
Skulduggery slowly lowered his gun.
"Go and get your arm; I'll deal with this beast." Ford said as he deactivated the gloves.
Skulduggery nodded and put his gun away.
Valkyrie breathed a quiet sigh of relief; for a minute, she thought Skulduggery was going to shoot Ford in the head.
Skulduggery picked up his skeletal arm, fed it through the sleeve and reattached it with a snap.
He flexed his fingers and rotated it.
"Ah, that's better."
"W-what are you?" Dipper asked quietly, Mabel was staring at his ribs.
Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie, she nodded.
He looked over at Stan, who looked afraid. His fists were clenched tightly and held up to his chest, in a boxers stance.
"You box?" Skulduggery asked as he unbuttoned his top shirt buttons.
Stan nodded, but didn't say anything.
"My friend Ghastly would like you, he's also a boxer."
Ford was checking on the overweight man who had fainted; he had managed to stop the bleeding, but couldn't do anything yet about the ankle. He kept a close eye on his family and the two Irish strangers; he had his plasma gun in his coat pocket. Charged and ready to shoot the pair of them if need be.
Skulduggery tapped the symbols on his collarbones, his face and his hair melted away revealing a clean, white skull underneath.
Mabel gasped as Dipper stepped back in shock.
"Hot Belgian waffles..." Stan said quietly.
"My name is Skulduggery Pleasant. I'm a Detective, a Sorcerer and over 400 years old. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. This is my partner, combat accessory and dear friend Valkyrie Cain. We have stopped a lot of bad guys and have saved the world on countless occasions. It's very nice to meet you all."