The Risk Of Loving You | Bucky Barnes

11. Not important?

We stay two more days at the compound until the Wilson house is secured. As for Bucky, he left the day after our altercation, without giving our friends any explanation.

Once we return to Louisiana, I stay with Sarah for a few days to keep her company until she feels less anxious about the place, although the therapy sessions gradually help us to overcome our fears. For the first few nights, the children are unable to sleep without their mother. They have nightmares, and I suspect she does too. Who knows why, but I don't. My nights are restless for an entirely different reason.

I actually run into this reason one night on my way home. Happily surrounded by women's laughter in front of a bar, he looks like he's having fun. I stop breathing for a moment. So that's how it is. He rejects me and then enjoys himself while I overthink. I don't think I deserve that.

As he turns his head toward the street I walk away, not caring whether he saw me or not. I have to get him out of my head.

The very next day, I put on my best dress and allow myself a clubbing night.

Dancing makes me feel good. On the dance floor, I let go of the whirlwind of emotions that have been bothering me for days. A pretty good-looking guy even joins me. I let him buy me a drink, and we dance more than we talk. We end up kissing in the middle of the club. A simple kiss with the taste of alcohol and sweat. Nothing extraordinary or passionate, but just enough to make me feel wanted. To make me feel a little important for just a moment.

I decline his offer to go home with him and thank him for brightening up my evening. With one last kiss, we say goodbye in front of the club.

When I turn around, my smile drops. I catch Bucky staring at me from across the street. Our eyes briefly meet and my heart stops in my chest. I don't try to read his face, even if I can't help wondering what's going through his mind right now. Then a girl clings to his arm and he turns his attention back to her.

I take the opportunity to disappear.

I spend the next few days declining Sam and Sarah's invitations, not really wanting to see anyone. Or to impose my presence on someone for whom I mean nothing and who doesn't want me in his life.

So when I hear a knock on my door one evening, I'm surprised to find the last person I expected to see on my doorstep.

The soldier of all my troubles stands here, looking at me intently without uttering a word. I hope he's not counting on me to start a conversation.

"Sam told me you weren't answering his calls." He finally says.

"As if you care."

"May I come in?"

I glance at him, wanting to blow him off. But I just can't do it, so I step aside and let him in.

As I close my door, I see him looking around the room. I realize Bucky has never been in my house before.

"Why are you here?" I huff, making him turn back to me.

"The other night, at the compound, I tried to come after you." He runs a hand through his hair. "And when I reached your door, I freaked out. I'd rather you hate me than put you in danger again. I know I've been rude, but I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, you failed." I say bitterly. "You tried to protect me, but your attitude hurts me more than those guys who kidnapped us."

"Since that damn war, I've never really meant anything to anyone, you know. So selfishly, I haven't thought about how you might feel. I've been struggling for days not to come and see you. I foolishly thought I'd be able to get you out of my life, but I can't." He looks straight into my eyes. "It was already too late."

These words I hadn't expected make my heart skip a beat. I let them echo deep inside me and stare at him silently, my mouth half-open.

"Of course you're important to me. I had no idea I meant anything to you." He adds as his eyes deepen.

"You mean more to me than you can imagine."

I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth. He smiles and I look away, trying not to blush.

"You know, having something to lose is new to me. When I moved here, I had no idea I'd find friends. And now I have to deal with the fact there are new people in my life, people who matter to me."

"Isn't it a good thing?"

"It's not as easy as it sounds. When I see all those people who have lost their loved ones by involving them in spite of their will, it gives me the creeps. But Sam showed me that for many, friends and family were a real blessing. And that it's cowardly and foolish to want to protect oneself from the affection of others."

"Maybe he doesn't always say stupid things." I chuckle.

"So I came to apologize. I hope you can forgive me for being such a jerk. I'm not gonna stop worrying, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss our friendship."

"You really mean it?"

"Yeah. Maybe it's time for me to take this risk. Well, I'm not sure I'm ready, but I don't want to be away from you anymore." He flashes a genuine smile as a great relief replaces my resentment.

He may have been hurtful, but he was able to admit he was wrong. How could I not forgive him?

Before he goes home, I accept his invitation to dinner at Sam and Sarah's house the next day.

I close the door behind him and stare at the wood for a moment as a dumb grin escapes my lips.

He actually cares about me.