The Risk Of Loving You | Bucky Barnes

13. Risky mission

"Why didn't you tell me?" I break the silence.

Bucky and I have just said good night to our friends, and now we're walking together in the darkness of the night.

"I guess it just slipped my mind."

"I know it didn't."

"I was so glad to make up with you, and-"

His sentence hangs in the air as he looks straight ahead. I wait for him to find his words, but I'm afraid I understand what he doesn't dare to say.

"This mission... it's dangerous?"

"Not necessarily more than any other."

"Be honest."

"Maybe a little more than others."

"Enough that you didn't want to leave with us on bad terms."

His silence answers me. It warms my heart and makes my blood run cold at the same time. I freeze as I realize that he has considered the possibility of things going wrong, and maybe even the possibility of not coming back.

And that upsets me way too much.

"Why did you stop?" He turns and stares at me.

"I don't know, it's... This idea that you- It seems impossible to handle."

"Everything will be all right." He assures me, coming back to me and putting his hands on my shoulders. "We're well prepared and ready to face any eventuality."

"I know, but..." I feel unable to put into words the wave of emotions that overwhelms me.

A simple gesture can sometimes replace the words that don't come. Bucky must have understood this, because he pulls me into his arms. I bury my head against his chest and close my eyes, feeling his warmth envelop me.

When we pull apart, I look up at him and lose myself in his eyes. We stare at each other in silence for a while before he breaks contact and clears his throat.

I rub the back of my head and let out an awkward chuckle. "I'm sorry. You're the one going on the mission, I shouldn't bother you with my worries."

"Don't be. Just don't worry too much about it. I- We've been through worse."

"I don't doubt it. Anyway, you're two strong, badass guys. I'm sure you can handle anything."

"You think I'm strong and badass?"

"Well, I mean, everyone thinks that, don't they?"

"If you say so." He chuckles.

During the rest of the way, Bucky jokingly lightens the mood. I try to enjoy every second of this time with him, putting aside for a moment his tomorrow's departure.

He leaves me at my door with a final hug.

"Please come back to me." I whisper in his ear before releasing him.

His hands resting on my arms, he sets his eyes on me with a soft smile. The next moment, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I watch him walk away.

In the days following Sam and Bucky's departure, the wait is unbearable. I'm terrified that something will happen to my friends. That something will happen to Bucky.

I can't share my concerns with anyone, as Sam obviously didn't alert Sarah about the risks of this mission. There's no point in making her worry any more when she has barely recovered from our kidnapping.

"Any news from your brother?" I ask her on a day we're working at the port.

"He rarely gives me any during his missions. Are you missing a certain soldier?"

"He left right after we made up."

"You and him... did things evolve?"

"On my side, it's very confusing. On his, I think he still considers me the friend he needs. Which isn't such a bad thing, I guess. Maybe it's meant to be that way."

"When I see how his absence affects you, I wonder if you know that you're kidding yourself." She grins and I roll my eyes.

"I really care about him. I just need to sort out-"

"Your feelings?"

"My thoughts." I correct her with a steady gaze.

Sarah laughs and looks at me with raised eyebrows to let me know she's not fooled.

Maybe I'm the one trying to fool myself. Because tonight, Bucky is once again omnipresent in my mind, disturbing my sleep. I bury my head in my pillow and groan.

"What did you do to me, Sergeant Barnes?" I sigh against my sheets.