The Risk Of Loving You | Bucky Barnes

21. Not your job

When we're out of sight, Bucky's gaze hasn't softened and his jaw hasn't loosened. Before he even opens his mouth to speak, I know he's mad at me.

"You're completely out of your mind! You've deliberately put yourself in danger! To think I thought I didn't need to tell you not to do anything stupid."

"I just wanted to help." I defend myself like a child being scolded.

"That's not your damn job." He replies harshly. "There's plenty of people with powers, abilities, and training to do that around here."

"People who would've been shot if I hadn't done anything."

"Listen, you-"

"No, you listen!" I raise my voice, locking my eyes in his. "You can blame me for being reckless, but not for stopping them from killing you."

I look down and clench my teeth to hold back the tears of rage that threaten to fall. He thinks I'm weak and helpless, I have to prove to him that I'm strong enough to cope with yet another violent event.

"I just don't want you to get hurt... or worse." He continues in a softer voice. "How do you expect me to stop worrying about you if you always find a way to put yourself in danger? First you provoke the crazy leader of a crazy gang, and then you try to face them alone and barehanded. All in a single day." He sighs. "It would be so much easier if you didn't get yourself in such unlikely situations."

"I'm okay, Bucky."

I look up at him but his eyes are no longer on my face.

"That's not what the marks on your neck suggest."

"They'll go away. I promise to be more careful next time, but please don't be mad at me."

"What next time? This better not become a habit. It's not even an option." He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my head. "I'm the one who has to keep you safe."

"That's not how relationships work. I can leave you the fighting bad guys part if it makes you happy, but you have to accept that I can take care of myself."

He swallows and I feel him hesitate. I'm about to ask him what's bothering him about what I've said, but his jaw starts moving.

"Not when it's my fault. Not when you're in danger because of me."

So that's it. He's not so much mad at me as he is at himself. I can easily guess the look that has just appeared on his face and is hanging in his voice. Guilt. Again. Always that damn guilt.

"Please don't say that. You have nothing to do with this. I'm the one who put myself in this situation."

"But if you hadn't met me-"

I pull away from him and look in his eyes full of concern.

"My life would be far too empty." I retort. "Don't blame yourself for things you're not responsible for."

The rest doesn't pass my lips and stays in my mind. 'Because I know you're already carrying too much. Too much of what should be the burden of other people.'

He stares at me intensely without replying, but it doesn't matter. I know he heard me, although it may not be the first time someone has said that to him. I hope that one day he'll be the one to say those words to himself.

I pull him back to me for a hug. Tightening our embrace, he presses his lips to my forehead. I feel so comfortable in his arms. So safe.

"Come on, sweetheart, you need to see a doctor." He says softly, drawing me back to reality. "One arrived earlier to check on the few injured. Let's let him take a look at you."

With his hand on the small of my back, he begins to guide me through the compound.

"Hey, did you see what I did?" I dare to say without hiding the excitement in my voice. "And her nose? Would it be too much if I ask you to congratulate me for my bar handling?"

"Yes."

"Alright, my bad." I concede. "I hope they're okay, though."

He lets out a chuckle and a subtle smile finally appears on his face, making me grin.

His hand leaves my back as we hear someone calling out my name. I turn my head to see Sarah rushing towards us.

"Sam just told me the craziest thing. Is it true?"

"Well, it depends on what he said."

"You fought against bad guys?"

"I even knocked one out!" I say proudly.

Her eyes widen and I can feel Bucky rolling his eyes behind me.

"You crazy- woman." She laughs. "You really are something else!"

"You can say that again." Bucky mumbles under his breath.