"If its meant to be, it will be" ❤

Back to where I belong..

Controlling everything was so tempting. We wanted to be sure that everything was done as it should be. There's no room for mistakes, errors. Although you could make choices and plans for life, no one could ever be prepared for the unexpected. When these unexpected situations added up, it's easy to became overly anxious and felt as if your life was out of control. If you tried to control everything, and then worried about the things you couldn't control, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration. So it would be wiser of you to relax and had faith that things would work out one day and I was hoping exactly the same.

After that night shoot, something was changed between us. Though still not on talking terms, but we were not ignored each other's presence anymore, infact we were trying to be cordial once again. It was a progress for me in some way, may be first step in overcoming this drama. I saw him making extra efforts to have conversations with others without my interference. I knew no one was that close to him as I was before but atleast he was not alone anymore. Somewhere I felt contented by seeing him smiling and having good times with others, but when I remembered about our situation, I felt low. How could a simple baseless fight get to this extent that all the progress we had made over these months sunk badly. Could we ever manage to change our equation for good?

I didn't get a chance to update anything on Instagram from last few days, as most of the updates were related to Fatejo's. After long time I opened my insta to post new pictures when Ankit's post on my feed grabbed by attention, habitually I liked his post and entered the comments section. As this was the only source for us to know how much fans adored us, we always went through the comments whenever we posted. I remembered how I read few funny comments on Fatejo's post to Ankit and we had a laugh about it for the next few days. I was recalling those moments when something got me back to reality. Except 10-12, most of the comment section was filled with filth and curses for him. A sudden unsettling feeling took place in my heart. The curses were too barbaric to think. I quickly went through his recent pics, and noticed there was sudden change in fans POV for Fateh after EMA track. We were somehow expecting these reactions knowing how fans were attached to Fateh and Tejo emotionally but there's no reason to curse Ankit like this for something he couldn't help. Fans should knew the difference between fictional character and real person. Somehow I felt guilty for no specific reason. We had a fight just before the EMA track and neither posted anything together from then, nor posted thing related to Fatejo and I could see all this backfired on him very wrongly. I just hoped for him to not read this stuff and if he had already went through this, then I didn't even want to think how he might have felt. I so wanted to confront all those people who were cursing him, to scream to the world that he was not at fault. All I wanted to hug him and assure him that I was with him, he wasn't alone in this, that he didn't have to face this hatred all alone.

No matter how much we fought, I couldn't stand anything wrong with him. There's something surreal in him that made me to keep going and never loose hope on him. There was volcano of emotions in his heart which he kept grounded, the feelings he kept guarded, but I could see all of them, I could feel all of them. I couldn't stop myself from looking after him even when we were not together, and would never stop doing it. I was somehow attached to him emotionally. There's no specific reason behind and I never could manage to discover it but yes there's still something between us that was unexplained. And I couldn't afford to loose him over a stupid fight, which was already getting on my nerves. I decided to end it for good, and reached for my phone. I scrolled his number and about to call him to apologise. But it wasn't felt the right way. I thought hard and knew what I exactly have to do.

I took a paper and wrote SORRY on it. I knew I could simply say it to him but I wanted to end this in some special way, afterall its freaking 1.5 months of cold war. I looked for him but he wasn't here yet, that's a good sign. Somehow I had to put this in his room before he came, but I didn't know how, as his room was locked. Then it striked me about the spare key he gave to me few months back. He forgot his key at home and asked the crew for spare one and at the end of the day he gave it to me incase he forgot his again. I never used it before and obviously oblivious about it till now. I searched for key in my drawer and got my hand on it.