Am I not Allowed To Dream?

Chapter 24

Taehyung POV:

I was told I am a bad luck...i am not worthy enough to be loved...I don't deserve happiness ..I don't deserve kindness ...I asked why? " Because you don't deserve to live. Should have died before your mother put you out to the world."

What an irony ?

I always heard about these things. Whenever the aunty who helped in the orphanage for taking care of us gets angry on anything she always used to show it to me by telling these things. These are the things now engraved in my mind.

Then again when I get married, can I say married because I don't think anyone other than me accepts the fact that I'm married to jungkook.the young master of Jeon mansion,the grandson of The Elder Jeon.

What I am always afraid of was being left alone ...again ..already my mother did once. I have always hoped one day my mother may come and bring me back to home, to a home I wished to go back to ...hoped for being loved by my own family...that's also the one of the reasons I am afraid to go away from the orphanage. If one day she comes and asks for me I should be there right?

An orphan can only hope. People like me are living in a hope like this. The moment you realise no will come looking for you  and should come out of your imaginary world ..will make your heart break in a more painful way than a normal death..that will make you die day by day. You have to live with that pain.every moment of life you have to remember no one is there for you. You are all alone... This thing is so difficult to cope up with.

I have come out of this by making another stupid dream...hoping that dream will come true one day. Being dreamed of another family. If I get married to a man who will love me with all his. I will also give my all to him. We don't need a big banglow. A small house ,there we will be loved and cherished and share all happiness and sadness...being with each other in any difficulties. That person will be with you till your last moment..hoping to meet in another life as a partner...saying love you and finally close my eyes...and sleep in that beautiful hill where I can see all the stars and moon forever....it is only  a  few hours after marriage to realize that dream also stupid...for a person like me like aunty said do not deserve to be dream or hope to be loved.

Is it really my fault that I am left alone? Can anyone really give me an honest answer. I only dreamed about being loved by my husband. I have never dreamed about a rich life. Only hoped for together with the person who was willing to marry me in our bad and good days till my last breath.

Then again when I get married to a young master I hope one day they will accept me if  I am ready to be patient and give my love to him ,then again fate played with me. He already has a person whom he loved. What will I do? That day all my dreams left to be a dream for ever...

Today when I left alone in that museum, I realized that this is my  reality. But then sir came back to me that moment and gave me another  reason to hope. If not as his husband may be he will see me as a friend one day. Love one day as a friend at least.
Whether he likes me as a friend or not i will always love him. Only he is out there in this world I am connected to. Even if he hates me ,we are connected .By marriage the vows we have taken in front of that many people and God till my last breath he is the only one for me.

From the museum it was a silent ride. They went to a hotel to have food. Jungkook was silent. Didn't ask him anything. For taehyung it was his first time having food from a restaurant. That is also a fancy one.

He didn't think jungkook would take him to a restaurant. Ah.. he forgot these all are for the show. They know some paparazzi are following them from afar.

When they got down at the restaurant Jungkook got a call. It was from Lisa. He went to the other side to talk to his girlfriend. She was angry for the past few days. When sh called jungkook was a bit happy. He happiness is showing in his face . Taehyung understood it's someone he loves, he can see the happiness in his face. He was watching jungkook. He felt pang in his heart. "Is there any day that will come there I can also make him smile like this " he felt tears building in his eyes.

He wiped his tears away and waited patiently for his husband. It takes a few minutes for jungkook to come back. He was angry. He didn't mind taehyung and went directly into the restaurant. Taehyung followed him. They were sitting on the table of two. Jungkook orders something for him and asks Taehyung to order something. Taehyung takes the menu ,everything is written in English and French. He knows English how to read. He will understand a little bit. But here the name of the foods are all fancy. He never had any fancy food in his life. It's his first time dining out with his husband. He feels giddy . But atmosphere was not quiet good.in the sense jungkook was seen quite angry. He doesn't want to make him more angry. Tears started to fill his eyes. He wiped it away quickly. Jungkook saw him struggling. He smirked at him "this is what happens when a low life comes to a fancy restaurant. You should have known your place. This is not for you. Now do you understand? " .taehyung feels pang in the heart. His heart is shattering when he hears insults from his husband.

" I don't want..t any..thing...i..m fine..one glass ..of wa..ter is enough". Slowly he said.

"Why?Whenever I am feeling a little bit of happiness next second everything is shattering like a piece of glass. "

He dont want to see as a pathetic sh*t to his husband. So he tried his best to keep calm and suppress his desire to cry out.