Colored Purple

Safe place

Tarajis POV

"I'm right here baby, it's okay, I got you, I promise." I speak trying my best to assure Fantasia. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I- we can do it again, I just, I need a minute." she stresses between deep breaths. " You don't have to apologize, come on sweetheart. Excuse us for a moment please you guys, thank you much." I say aloud to the group. I grabbed at Colman, consciously asking for his hand in guiding Fantasia inside somewhere with a seat. We make it to the touch up trailer and Colman and I gently guide fantasia onto the chair. "You gon be alright honey?" Colman asks Fantasia. Her breathing has calmed by now and her eyes are open. She takes a breath before responding blankly, "I'm gonna have to be." "You want me to stay in here with you?" he asks. "No, no, I'll be okay, I just need to sit for a moment, you go ahead." "Well alright, you call me for anything, either of you." He grabs her hand and places a kiss before rubbing my shoulder and exiting with a smile. "Well I'll leave you be, yo-" "No, taraji, um stay a moment with me please." she asks interrupting my flowing words. "Are you sure? If you need a minute Tasia, im more than willing to allow you that" "No, please Raji, just sit with me." She taps the chair next to her and I follow orders.

 I take my seat beside her and her hand quickly reaches for a place on my lap. I recognize her need for comfort and reach my hand out for hers, interlocking our fingers. We sit there for while, hand in hand, not speaking a word. Finally I turn my head towards her to look and see if I could read her emotions. She stared straight ahead before slowly turning her head towards mine. " Tryna read my mind?" she asks with a sly smile. "Maybe." I reply back with a head tilt "You know, I would never rush you to talk about anything, but the way you broke down baby that's heavy." I continue, while looking into her eyes. " All that heaviness is gonna suffocate you. You gotta release that sweetheart, or else it's gonna settle, and it's gonna suppress whatever joy you have." Fantasia closes her eyes, and nods, releasing a small tear before speaking," I know T, I cant tell what it is, I felt everything, anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness, grief, all at once and I cant pinpoint which pain is which. These last few months have been hell, and I just feel like I'm losing my mind." " Hey, Listen to me," I say to her, softly grabbing her chin. "You do not have to be so strong by yourself Fantasia. I am right here, and right outside this camper your have an entire family of people ready to rally behind you. I will always be a listening ear, no matter what no matter when, you will always have a safe place within me."

Fantasias POV

I take in T's words, allowing them to travel through my body, where they finally settle in my heart. I believed her, every word. The compassion in her voice and the assurance in her eyes left me with no doubt that she meant every word. I just didn't know how to allow someone to be there, but I was holding on to so much and I just wanted relief. "Is it okay if we speak about it now?" I ask, completely disregarding the team of people waiting outside for us. "Of course, whatever you need" she replies.

Our fingers have separated, but I needed touch. I reach out for her hand and she immediately respond's, almost like she already knew. She takes my hand in hers and sits them in her lap. I hold on and squeeze for a second, trying to calm myself before beginning. "I don't even know where to start." I say with a small chuckle. Eventually I find some words. I inhale deep before speaking. "Six months ago, I caught my husband cheating. Seven years that I gave my all to this man, and he laid down with someone else. The thing is, I knew. I didn't how or the extent of his infidelities, but a woman just knows. I wanted answers but I didn't have the heart to go through his things. I think because I knew I would find something I didn't want to. So I played pretend for a long time before I just couldn't take it anymore. I started to drive myself crazy. Part of me knew for certain, but there was another part of me, that so deeply wanted it all to be untrue. I wanted it to be untrue so badly, that I started lying to myself. Telling myself, he said he was on a work trip, so he must be on a work trip. I started to question my own sanity, my own intuition, but at a certain point, I just couldn't deny it any longer, It was killing me. The way he so easily lied about where he was at and what he was doing, I realized, he didn't have a care in the world for me, he couldn't love me and lie so easily like that. I caught them at a hotel, how cliche of them right? For so much of my life, I've been lied to, underestimated, talked down on, and I thought for once in my life, I found someone he would love me indefinitely." I look up, meeting Taraji's eyes, realizing just how long I'd been talking. "I'm sorry, I-" "No, don't apologize, take as long as you need, im not going anywhere." She looks at me with the most gentle eyes, and for a moment I find myself getting lost in them. 

 Calmed by her assurance, I continue. "The worst part is the way that it affects my children. I hated having to have that conversation with them. I had to have it twice, once with Zion and then again with Dallas. I think Dallas took it the hardest, Keziah Is too young to really understand, Zion doesn't live in the house anymore, so she couldn't feel the energy, but Dallas did, he does, and its too heavy for him to have to bear. I think that he feels like he has to be the quote on quote, man of the house now. He's trying to take on more responsibility than he should have to and I hate it. I hate that man, for the way that he has hurt myself and my children, but I think I hate myself more for allowing him too. I should've known better, it's not like I haven't been here before." Before I can go on any further, Taraji interjects. "Fantasia, that mans action are not your fault, he is a grown man who should've recognized all that he had. His shortcoming are not yours. You are still here, living, breathing, you have no reason to hate yourself. Hate is such a deep emotion, and carrying through life with it on your shoulder is going to kill you. You have to find a way to relieve yourself of that. I love you Fantasia, we all do, if I could take all my love and replace that hate that you feel I would, but you gotta do that for yourself, you hear me? For your children." 

I sit with those words for a moment, allowing myself to not just hear what she said but to take it in. I don't say anything for a while, and neither does Taraji. After a few passing minutes, I remember all of the people standing around outside waiting for us, we need to wrap this up. I look over to Taraji, and say the only thing that's circling my mind. "I love you too Raji." She smiles, and reaches over to embrace me. She holds on tight, seemingly trying to do what she previously said, replacing all of my hate with her love, and  I feel it, her love. I feel it in the way that her hand makes small, slow circles on my back. I feel it, in the way the squeeze of her embrace never falters. I feel it through her chest, the slow beating of her heart, somehow calming the racing of mine. I feel myself melting into her, my nose drawing out her scent. I feel it in the way she whispers the words, " I love you more."

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Heyya!! Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors there may be, I'm having so much fun and just wanna get it all out.

Any feedback or comments are appreciated!

Muah 💋