My parents were horrible people. They always told me to 'be nice' and 'make friends' and 'treat others how you want to be treated'.
HA! Like THAT will get you anywhere in life!
Fortunately, they died in a war. Let me tell you that story of one of the best days of my life.
I was 14 years old. I had already started dating who was soon to be King Toilet. I was loved amongst my kingdom. (Sarcasm)
The only thing that was holding me back from my potential was my parents. Whenever I wanted to fire a butler, they were all like: "No! That butler is perfectly fine!", or "No! That butler has a life of their own!"
And whenever I my parents got called to the school because I had punched someone, or skipped class, my parents were ANGRY at me. Like, they were SO horrible! Stupid parents.
It was February 2012, and I was 14 years old. The kingdom declared war on some other stupid island. I like wars. There's death. And misery. Anyway, my parents went off to war, and the very next day, in fact, I had a note from someone. My auntie. Saying my parents had 'mysteriously passed away'. I know the truth. They were killed for being too nice. So I went to live with my auntie until I was 16, which is the minimum age for ruling the kingdom.
See, if my parents didn't die, I'd probably be dead because some guy killed me for being too nice. How bad would my dignity be if that happened?!
The moral of this story, is that you should always be mean. Otherwise, you'll never get anywhere in life.
