"Hi!" Lisa beamed at me with her virus happy smile. Her smile's so wide I can almost feel how tiring it is to smile that wide. "Have you had your breakfast already?"
"Yes. I had egg and bacons for breakfast. How about you?"
She did this thinking pose and she looked so cute. "Nope. I did not eat breakfast."
"All of that thinking only for you to say nope?"
She nodded and stood up walking away from me while waving goodbye. "Bye see ya!"
_
"And then what happened?" He asked me.
"Nothing. If I could remember it all. Nothing happened that day." He nodded and slid me a piece of paper on the table.
_
"You're surpringly eating a lot these days." Lisa said while sitting across me. I've been eating for a while and she's been there watching me.
"You're surpringly wearing the same clothes everytime."
She looked at her shirt and looked back at me feeling offended. "I wash them!"
I giggled and looked around. It's the same place, the same park where I eat my packed lunch. The usual kids playing catch, the same couples having their dates, the same worker trimming the grasses.
"Why don't you go somewhere else too Jennie? Why always here?"
I looked at her and back to the park. I don't know what to tell her.
_
"Have you done everything I've been telling you? The things I recommend you to do?" He asked sketching or I don't know maybe writing something on his usual clipboard.
"I've been doing a lot of things. Been playing video games, board games with my friends, I went to cooking classes as well."
He stopped, "And?"
"And.."
He sighs and puts his clipboard down revealing a sketch of a perfectly looking apple, with some writings under it. "I can't help you like this Jennie. Video games? Really? And stuck inside your room for hours?"
I looked down on my lap and saw a ring on my pinky finger. "I don't.. I can't.. I tried."
_
"You again.."
Lisa looked at me offended and rolled her eyes, "Like I wanted to be here?"
Everything softens and she looked genuinely hurt. I sighed. "Sorry."
She was wearing her usual fit. Nothing changed from her, really. At the usual place.
"The weather's hot." She whispered while looking up to the sun with her eyes closed. Then smiled again. That smile.
"You smile really nice." I said, she immediately looked at me.
"You said that before."
"I did?"
She giggled cutely. "You always say it silly. But when are you smiling like this too?"
"What?"
_
"You never smiled?" He asked, this time spinning a oen on his fingers.
"I smile everytime?"
"Everytime? In a questioning manner?" He said looking at me confusedly.
"What I mean is, I smile. Of course I do smile. Who doesn't smile?"
_
"You've never smiled at me before." Lisa said while leaning her chin on the palm of her hands.
"I never?"
She thinks for a while, "Well you did before BEFORE, but you haven't these times."
"I smiled at you one of that time. I remember you smiling back at me too."
"Hmm, you sure you smiled?" I nodded but she looked away. "I don't think that's even a smile. Next time we meet, smile genuinely." She said and got up.
"But what if we don't see each other again?"
Lisa still gave me her usual smile. "Still smile. Not just for me. But for everyone."
_
He smiled at me, "I'm proud of you."
I looked at gim confusedly, "You did it Jennie. Your session is done."
My therapist couldn't even hide how happy he was telling me the news. I would've known even if he didn't tell me.
I left after and went to the same old usually spot. This time, no kids playing, no couples on a date, no grass trimmers. Just me.
Just me.
"Smile." I chuckle and looked down on the ground remembering her words.
"You smiled." My head snaps back up and saw her.
"Lisa?"
My eyes must be deceiving me. I didn't want to look away, I didn't want to miss a second from looking away from her. If this would be the last time I'll ever see her then be it. I'd look at her until she disappears from my sight.
"You're back. You haven't shown up for weeks. Where have you been?"
She giggled, "You didn't want to see me the past weeks so I didn't come."
"No. I always want to see you. Every second, minute, hour. I want to see you everytime."
No. I'm supposed to be healed. I'm supposed to be okay.
She walked towards me and cupped my cheeks. "You did great. I'm proud of you. And don't you think it's also time for you to be proud of me and let me go on my own already?"
I closed my eyes and held her hand which was on my cheeks. My emotions went rushing every part of my body but mostly my heart.
"If I open my eyes.. will I see you still?"
Must forget. Must move forward.
No answer.
I slowly opened my eyes and she was gone.
"I love you."
I couldn't even tell it to you while you're still here. "I'm proud of you."
